Insulation

I'm pretty sure the title of this blog speaks for itself. I'd like to think my extra layers of skin keep me warmer than some skinny chick. That's what I tell myself, joking. 20% truth to jokes though, that's the word on the street. Really though, I don't think that's how it works. I'm not some animal in the arctic layered with fur. :)

When it's cold out, I have a hard time eating well. I want warm, comfort foods. I've been racking my brain for warm snack foods, warm, healthy snacks, and the only thing I could think of was edamame. I love fruit, but it's cold! I love raw veggies, but they're cold! And I wouldn't normally heat up veggies for a snack, bc heating up veggies implies a side dish for dinner, if that makes sense. Recommendations are of course welcome.

Plus, I eat out of boredom. Right now, as I'm typing this, I can't eat bc my hands are occupied. I think that sounds pretty sad. I'm also an emotional eater, so if things become somewhat challenging, I eat.

Anyways, back to the insulation. I am also uncomfortable because some of my clothes are starting to not be "loose." I was enjoying losing weight, and once things fit or got snug again, I became uncomfortable. So now I'm cold, overweight and uncomfortable. Fatastic. Because I'm uncomfortable and cold, I come home and want pjs, hoodies and uggs.

I went for a couple walks this week and felt very good about them. Bundled up and dealt with it. Next week, my plan is to double the walks, eat less comfort food and keep myself occupied. :)

Sorry this post was kind of all over the place. That's kind of how I've been lately. :)

Bridesmaids

I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm a grown up. I'm not supposed to compare myself to other women. And, usually, I don't. Sure, I'm envious of other's figures and strengths, but I don't usually growl/groan at other people with fabulous figures.

Until recently.

Ashley, my beautiful younger sister and best friend got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years, Andrew who is an awesome person. They are a hilarious couple, and I'm so excited for them. He will make a very handsome groom, and she looks exotic in sweats, so looking good on their wedding day should be a piece of cake for her.

And of course the whole process/day is about them. I am well aware it's not about me. I don't want it to be, it's not supposed to be, and I won't make it about me.

However, Ashley has several close friends that will be bridesmaids. Oh, they're just awesome and lovely and perfect. They'll make you cry from laughing so hard, and it's like a constant SNL skit hanging out with even one of them, let alone all 6 of them. There is just one tiny problem with them.

They all look like models. And one of them actually IS a model.

These girls are STUNNING. Even without makeup. They're the types of people who can walk in heels all night long and make it look easy. (I take heels off after an hour of looking like an ass.) They rock simple or elaborate jewelry, while I rock my wedding rings and my two cartilage earrings that don't come out easily. Sometimes I wear earrings and sometimes I wear my "K" necklace from Mac. When I go out, I wear more. I try. These girls can all wear a bikini, will all get checked out on the beach and have beautiful personalities to go with their beautiful faces and figures.

Basically, I'm really lucky that I get to have fun with such a great group of girls. They are drama-free (I think :) ), and they'd do anything for you. Ashley is in great hands.

I am also lucky that I have a year and a couple months until the wedding. You see, bridesmaids usually wear dresses. Many times, matching dresses. That's cool; I did the same thing to my bridesmaids. But you see, if you were to put all of Ashley's girls in the gowns today, all of us would look good. However, I'd block them. Maybe not the model, as she is clearly taller than me. But all of the others, you wouldn't be able to see them if I stood in front of them.

I then imagined the 7 of us as nesting dolls, the ones that fit inside each other. I'm the big one. I can house all the others. By the wedding, I hope to not be the queen nesting doll. No need to house other women. (So weird.)

So, occasionally when I'm having a weak moment, I'm thinking I'll read this post, and look at their pics on fb, or text them, encouraging them to um, bulk up. (They're not figure-less either, trust me.) Ok, maybe I'm not a total grown up. :) I'm being a little silly.

And just in case your doubting me, check this out.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, who's the girl who looks like a model?
Megan: That's one of Ashley's best friends, and she is a model. She did our make up.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, who's the girl in the electric blue pumps?
Megan: That's one of Ashley's best friends from college.
Guest: She looks like walking sex.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, are all those kids Ashley's friends?
Megan: The beautiful ones who look like they're having the time of their lives and teaching everyone a lesson on the dance floor? Yeah, that's them. She picks well.

Scene: New Ale House in Columbia this past weekend
Megan: Karen, you don't understand these bridesmaids I'm going to be standing next to. I need to get my act together.
Karen: Oh yes I do. I remember them. ALL of them. Yikes. Good luck with that. Call me if you need support.

(Thanks Karen, for understanding.)

So, check back on the blog and on my facebook for wedding festivities, so that you can feast your eyes on the eye candy that is my sister's wedding party.

And lastly, I lost three pounds. Mucho thanks to Gina for introducing me to an awesome salad... mixed greens, goat cheese, walnuts and vinaigrette dressing. I've been eating it almost everyday for lunch, and I so look forward to it. Not to mention, I feel good after eating it.

Sorry.

I apologize ALL the time. I'm often yelled at for doing it. Such a conversation goes like this:

Me: Sorry for blah blah blah....
You: It's ok.
Me: Ok, just wanted to make sure you knew I was sorry.
You: Got it. Stop saying sorry.
Me: Ok. Sorry.
You: Death glare.
Me: For saying sorry. I'm sorry for saying sorry.
You: Haven't blinked.
Me: Ok, now I'm finished.

Ask about half of my friends and they'll tell you about this.

So this post is one HUGE apology. If you don't want to hear/read me say sorry, kindly close this window. In advance, I'm sorry for all the sorrys I'm about to say.

I'm sorry I stopped writing for 2 1/2 months.
I'm sorry I kind of gave up.
I'm sorry that I worked so hard only to make it bad.
I'm sorry if you felt motivated by me, and not having this to read caused you to eat McNuggets. I NEVER want you to eat McNuggets.
I'm sorry if you suggested things to me and felt like I didn't take them. I did.
I'm sorry if you supported me and felt like I didn't appreciate it. I do.
I'm sorry if you felt invested in this blog and then felt let down. I did/do too.
I'm sorry if you've ever cringed while looking at me or seeing my weight on the side. I have too.
I'm sorry if you listened to me and feel like I ignored you. I didn't.
I'm sorry if I yelled at you.
I'm sorry if I was mean to you because I was truly upset with myself.
I'm sorry if you had to deal with my negativity.

Ok, now please understand this. I am well aware of how crazy the above apologies are. WELL AWARE. However, I also mean them.

I also am sorry to myself. Not feeling sorry for myself; that's different. I'm sorry I gave up a little bit and way over-indulged during the holidays. True to form, 20 to 20 hindsight. Shouldn't have eaten this, shouldn't have drank that, should have run there, etc.

I'm back to trying. I've got several reasons, and I'll continue to post about them. I was really hoping that this over-weight thing would just be a phase in my life. Well, maybe it will have been, but I think maintaining healthy eating and work out options will be a life-long job. I think a part of me hoped that wasn't and wouldn't be true. But it is. How can it not be? Anything worth having is worth working for. So, I'll work for this. I'll work for a better weight, a happier mentality and stronger muscles. I'll work for a better life. It's worth it.

p.s. Sorry if you're annoyed that I posted this. :) Just kidding! (Kind of.)

spanx

Sexy, right? I mean, adding the heels totally jazzes it up. Isn't that how you walk around the house in your spanx?

They are amazing. They're like a modern girdle. If you don't own them, get them. They smooth you, suck you in and are lovely. Some people wear them everyday, even under dress pants. There's no way I'm fighting that fight everyday. I close the door when putting on spanx. No witnesses to the disaster that is happening in the bedroom. This past weekend I wore spanx AND tights and can I just say that that counts as a mild workout. I was sweating afterwards. I had to put the fan on high.

We went to a lovely wedding and danced a TON. That should also count as a workout, and my JC consultant certainly thought so too. Even though I had several glasses of red wine, I distinctly remember a situation in the large bathroom, filled with people.

Lisa: Megan, you want me to wait for you?
Megan: Nah, I got spanx and tights on. I'll be a while. You go ahead.
Lisa: Ok, I'll see you out there.
Megan: Yep!

I think several other women were laughing. Know why? Because anyone over a size 2 can relate to this situation. Men can't relate. I don't even think men do squats in jeans to break them in after the dryer deliberately SHRANK them.

Anyways, that's all I got. All is the same. Gotsta try harder. Working on it. Wanted to write a post to keep myself honest.

a.d.d.

I'm so convinced I'm on the spectrum for add that it's all I can do to sit here and type this. Because really, there are about a zillion shiny objects staring at me right now, begging for attention. You should prepare yourself for a jerky roller coaster ride of a blog post. I also plan on arguing with and contradicting myself.

First, I chickened out last week for my weigh in. Totally called out. First time I've done that, and it was/is shameful. I knew I gained weight after eating food again, after being sick, and I didn't want to see the number. I also didn't want to drive to Rockville and spend one full hour driving the ten or fifteen miles home. Forget about the actual candidates; if someone out there can solve the traffic problems on the beltway, I'm voting for them. You can fix 495? You can probably fix anything.

So I went today and basically put it all back on. This is real life people.

I have been battling with wanting to eat the food. I'm tired of a lot of the food even though it's good. So I went in today and only got dinners. I have done well for breakfasts and lunches; it's my dinners and snacking that's the problem. Then I get mad at myself, because if I would just bite the bullet, eat the food, I'll lose the weight and be happy. FALSE. I do not need to treat this like ripping off a band aid. So, just dinners from JC from now on. 2 meals on my own. Let's see how this goes. Slow and steady wins the race. Yada yada bleeping yada.

I thought about joining Weight Watchers. I figure, I lost 20 with JC, maybe I lose 20 with WW. What is my deal. For now, I'm not. And no, I would not do both programs at the same time.

I thought about doing the Couch to 5K program. If you don't know what it is, look it up online. It's a pretty cool program, where someone who's a couch potato (I wouldn't completely call myself that though) can get up, follow a program, and get to running a 5K in two months. It's a very neat and interesting outline, and honestly, it sounds nice. We'll see. Meh.

Since this post was pretty worthless, I'll share some things that have surprised me and make me happy.

- I started wearing my winter coat, and it zips up really well without tugging on the bottom. Last year, it tugged on the hem of the coat.
- I am currently wearing dress pants I haven't worn in a year and a half.
- I wore a size 12 khaki blazer today and it wasn't tight across the back.
- I wore a sweater dress yesterday with a belt.
- Last year, when I wore that outfit, I took a big breath to sing with preK kids, and the belt came UNDONE. It doesn't have loops or anything, so it just slides in and out. STILL. Thank GOD it was only PreK and thank GOD the aide is super cool and just laughed with me.
- The belt did not pop yesterday.

Have a loverly weekend. I will try to return next week with more positive news and a lower number.

Proof I was sick...

- I napped during the 1:00 game last Sunday, and I don't usually nap until later.
- I called out of school.
- I woke up drenched in sweat, for three days.
- I called the dr.
- My temperature at the doctor was 102.1. I almost cried when I heard that.
- The dr. said he was very sorry to see my throat so bad. His bet was strep. I almost cried again.
- Every time I tried to swallow, I winced like a baby.
- The dr. offered for me to lay down in the office bc I didn't look well enough to drive home.
- My HORSE PILLS, Clarithromycin, should be taken 2x a day for ten days.
- Six extra strength tylenol daily to keep my fever down.
- Nightmares.
- My tongue turned yellow. (Gross)
- I tried to brush the yellow off of my tongue, then when it didn't work, I chucked that toothbrush in the trash.
- There was a bad taste in my mouth that I couldn't shake. (Sorry, gross again)
- I stopped talking for about two days.
- I washed something like 5 dishes and had to take a nap, and...


.......



wait for it....




...the #1 reason I knew I was sick...





- I stopped eating. That's when you know I'm really sick. I just couldn't eat. I think I've had maybe three or four servings of soup over the past few days. That is so not my style.

The plus to all of this? I lost 4.8 pounds and can fit in my favorite jeans, a size 14, one size down. I am so excited to keep going. I can't wait to ditch the 190s. I officially hit 25 (my halfway goal) on Jenny Craig and 30 lbs. lost on my own.

The negative to all this? The warning on my antibiotics label says, and I quote, "Diarrhea may occur weeks to months after taking drug. Call doctor."

No shit I'll call the doctor. I signed up for weight loss, not some sort of upside down bulimia through strep throat meds.

Same

All is the same. The good news is, apparently I can maintain a certain weight. The bad news is that my pants are fitting so well that I'm having trouble thinking about the next size down. I need to try on smaller pants in my closet, have them stop and not be able to button them, and hopefully that will motivate me? I don't know.

I need to work out. Enough is enough. It's flipping gorgeous outside, so no excuses.

I switched weigh in days and consultants. Two years ago, when I first did Jenny Craig, I met with an awesome woman named Thelma. She is so outstanding. We also have somewhat similar figures. I'm back with Thelma now, and it's so great. We just have more in common, and right now, that change feels really fresh.

Anyways, that's all I got. Football season is here, food is here, and fall beers are here. All of that is amazing. The only thing holding me back from filling the giant ceramic pumpkin with candy is Mac. He says no Halloween stuff until October. Fine. I will wait. Impatiently.

I mean, I'm on a diet. Or lifestyle change. I don't think about candy. Or anything like that. :)

Happy fall yall.