Thursday, August 30, 2012


I gained an ounce. Considering how last week went, that is gracious. It is taking every ounce of will power not to eat right now. Or order food.

I'm getting a little bored with the food. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't. I know I need to keep going; it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. But, I feel like I don't look that bad, you know? I'd like to think I look a little better than before, but I'm not the best I could be.

My next plan is to go to the grocery store over the weekend and get food that I'm excited about. The peppercorn turkey is amazing on rye. Fruits, veggies, stuff like that. I feel like if I have stuff to look forward to, it won't be so difficult.

Anyways, short blog today. That's all!

Oh, one last thing. I'm super excited for fall. Check out the subtle, yet in your face changes.

Friday, August 24, 2012


My first memory of Nutella was 8 1/2 years ago in Europe, while doing a tour with other musicians from college. I can't believe that stuff counts as breakfast food. Amazing. Chocolate hazelnut spread and people think it's healthy? Probably not the way I eat it. Which, in case of this week, was with a spoon. And it was the dessert to my Mexican dinner. Three nights in a row.

I called it Nubutta because I couldn't remember it's real name. Either that or I didn't understand the Austrians and Czechs when they were explaining it to me. Either way, Nubutta and Nutella are great. Go get yourself a jar. If you have animal crackers or pretzel sticks, go to town. If not, believe me, a spoon will suffice.

I weighed in on Monday and gained a pound and a half. Sometimes you wouldn't know I'm doing a diet. (Um, like, this week.) I was optimistic, but not shocked. I had weighed in last Thursday, then worked straight through the weekend at Pottery Barn (went back for the summer and finished up last weekend). Between school starting and kids almost coming, I cried on my way to PB Friday night. I was soooo exhausted, and as a teacher who loves being lazy in the summer, I was out of shape for work. My dogs barked a lot and I just wanted to sit down. So, when I got off work at 10 Friday night, after a full teacher day of school and then a five hour shift at PB, I hit up Bertuccis and ate an individual pizza, by myself. That made me so happy. :)

Saturday, more of the same. Saturday was rough. I was overtired and couldn't shake a sad feeling looming over me. A friend and sorority sister, Elizabeth White, passed away a few years ago from non-hodgkins lymphoma. She was soooo amazing, and was a teacher. When I graduated from Elon, she gave me a bag of supplies as a graduation gift... borders and posters and stickers and a really sweet note. Every year at this time I remember her when I put up these decorations in my classroom, and this year, I couldn't shake the feeling. I tried praying to her, which I believe in. I wrote on her facebook wall, which felt good. But in some twisted way, I wanted to not be sad on my way home from work at 10:00 Saturday night, so I picked up some Chinese food. I mean, you can't blame Elizabeth for this obviously, but really, she wouldn't have judged me for eating crap, and she would have rocked a pink sweater, pearls and a bow in her hair. I wanted an excuse for buying crab ragoons, and being sad was my excuse. I'm really embarrassed to even type this, because I don't want to slander Elizabeth's perfect name, and I really, REALLY hope I haven't. I kind of hope she's giggling at my ridiculousness. But you know how sometimes you feel down and eat? Well, I do, and I did. I still cried though.

Sunday was better. Kind of. Worked at PB from 8-3, and whenever I got dreary, I hit up a snack (donut, candy) in the back. Thank God I'm not working there anymore. Being there was like a freebee excuse for me to eat. Buhbye.

Today... well, today. All my lunches have been really good this week. Jenny Craig breakfasts and Jenny Craig lunches. Today I went for Happy Hour #1 and will be hitting up Happy Hour #2 in a little bit. Ah, the beauty of being a teacher. :)

And, the Nubutta is GONE. I threw it out. After I put in on my nightstand last night, with a spoon sticking out of it. I should definitely call a shrink.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Imperfection and dirty laundry.

Well, I am almost 20 pounds down via Jenny Craig. I lost 2.1 pounds and am still trying to chug along, or something like that. I was literally thinking about writing a post like this for a while, and I'm so tired, so forgive me for the imperfections.

I haven't had a perfect week on Jenny Craig yet. I'm not bothered by this. I have treated myself in one way or another or several every single week. I'm sure I could have lost twice as much if I had perfect weeks. But what if I had missed out on social fun? What if I had been miserable? That's no way to live. Besides, I'm so far from perfect it's stupid. I'm so type Z it's amaZing. So why should my diet be perfect? That don't make no sense! :)

I've aired a lot of my imperfections on this blog, and I wouldn't take back a single one of them. I also wouldn't really trade them. They've made me who I am, and I'm humbled and hopefully a better person for them. Some could say I've aired dirty laundry. I don't really see it that way. I don't really write about other people's imperfections, because they're not mine to share. I've really tried to keep other people's issues that they've shared out of my blog, and I certainly have enough of my own to keep going. :) Don't we all? Oh, what's that? You don't have any issues? Guess what? You need to see a shrink and lay on a green couch faster than the rest of us.

Everyone's got issues, and the more people share them, sometimes the better I feel. Oh, you gained weight too? I feel ya. Mental issues? Been there. Still am. Ate a bag of popcorn for dinner? Well, I never... no wait. Yeah, I did. Not tonight though.

I can't stand people who try to make their lives look perfect. It's just so silly, get real. Blowing sunshine and rainbows and butterflies out of where? You do not have Megan fooled. But, I do understand why some people like to share only the good parts of their lives. Why share the negative?

I share the negative because I think it's real. Not dirty laundry. It's weight loss, of course it's negative at times. Trust me, I battle with myself all the time with food. This is no piece of cake. (wondering why we don't have cake in the house...) I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with food, or addicted. But I like food. A lot. :)

It's really hard knowing that I haven't changed jeans yet. Last night, I took of my jeans without undoing the button and zipper. I mean, I had to wiggle, but they went. That was cool. But I'm still wearing them. So, if I was wearing these jeans 26 pounds ago, what on GODS GREEN EARTH DID I LOOK LIKE?! How come no one told me??! People, I expect more.

Apparently the weight is coming off in other places. Fine, but what about the middle?! When will that shrink? When will I get to wear my size 14 jeans? On the other hand... I think my collar bone is about to see its shadow. Woohoo! And I don't even have to stand like some anorexic model to see the outline! There's only a little bit more flesh left. I'll keep you posted on the resurfacing of my collar bone. I know you're anxiously awaiting its arrival.

Now for some shout outs via some other blogs.

J - Your blog is amazing, and I still remember the shock I felt reading your facebook status, as ridiculous as that may sound. I am so proud of you, and thank you.

I - Your pictures are perfect, blurry or not. Keep em coming. I love that your home looks like ours, if not a whole lot better. Your life is perfect. Just like mine. Full of imperfections that we're cool with.

G - Your blog is sweet and real and short and fun. It's inspirational for the working Megan, and I feel like I just had a conversation with you whenever I read it. Your stories should be in a book, for real.

To my friends - my God, when will sappy Megan go away? :) Thank you for being real. You know we wouldn't work if you were fake. ;) p.s. I miss every mother-loving one of you. Thanks for supporting me and my imperfections.

You know, you'd think by 30 I'd be writing more better.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I turned 30.

Well it happened. I turned 30. I'm not thin, so there goes the title of this blog. I have lost about 25 pounds though, and I guess that's saying something. I was on vacation and since my mind is still on vacation, I'm going to do a random pros and cons list post.

* I didn't cry when I turned 30.
* I got to spend the day with family, the way I wanted, on the boat.
* Ashley's bf Andrew, told me I looked "pretty" on my birthday. I hugged him. Mac couldn't come down, so to hear that from a guy, well it was so sweet. :)
* I have lost about 25 pounds and at times, feel very proud of that.
* I went to Maine for the first time, with my family.
* Oh my gosh, go to Maine. It's beautiful.
* I saw so many lighthouses and climbed one of them.
* I ate so much seafood it's stupid.
* The seafood was amazing.
* Whole lobster, clams, crab melt, crab rangoon DIP, lobster mac and cheese, lobster rolls, coconut shrimp, scallops, clam chowder, etc.
* My clothes are fitting better.
* I could wear my white capris and they weren't tight. Tight white = not good.
* I wore a khaki skirt I haven't been able to wear in two years.
* When I came back, my weight was 199.9 pounds.
* That means I only gained ONE POUND. (Trust me, that is a miracle.)
* I also didn't cross back over into the 200s, which I was REALLY scared about.
* My weigh in yesterday was euphoric because of that.
* I drank a lot of wine and local beer.
* I ate french fries for the first time in a while, and they were amazing.
* We did a bit of walking in Maine.
* Gaining one pound for eating out morning, noon and night is pretty awesome.
* At times, I feel like continuing this blog.
* I can't wear my jeans for more than one day. They get too big.
* I didn't hold back with eating.
* I am excited to be back on track. Kind of. :)
* I am humbled by the fact that I was/am too heavy. I am glad I have experienced it.

* I am not thin.
* I started this public blog to help motivate myself to get thin.
* I'm a little embarrassed that I'm not thin.
* I dislike so many pictures from vacation because I see someone who is still too heavy. That is a shame, because the pictures are really very beautiful.
* I HATE that I think that about pictures. I love pictures.
* I think one of my boobs is the size of my face. That needs to change immediately.
* I had to get into a program to be successful. I couldn't do it on my own.
* There are people who had babies, and at the peak of the pregnancy didn't weigh as much as I do. Or did.
* How can I continue this blog if I'm already 30? Thin by 31? Thin during 30? Fit by 40??!?!
* I think about food a lot. Like, when we were walking around in Maine... sometimes I'd be thinking about/looking forward to the next feeding time if I was hungry.
* I feel like as a heavy person, I shouldn't be thinking about food. Like, I shouldn't be hungry. I ought to have enough stored away.
* I wonder if people look at me eating, wondering why I am eating.
* That's insane.
* My trip back to MD was hell. I stopped at McDonalds and got fries & a diet coke.

And here are some pictures. I think you'll see what I mean by some of them. Some, I love. Some, I wish I was smaller. Thank you for reading my rambles. And, if you care to share, what's your opinion of me continuing the blog?