Wednesday, March 21, 2012

7 deadly sins

The seven deadly sins are wrath, sloth, lust, greed, pride, envy and gluttony. I can tell you I am guilty of several of these.

Wrath: I believe this happens a lot when I am driving on the Beltway, a student talks during my class, or I am offended in some way. I can be very feisty at times, and while this certainly isn’t my best side, it happens. Kind of like a temper tantrum. Adult sized.

Sloth: I wonder if any time I take a nap I am considered sloth-like? Because if that’s the case, I’m definitely guilty. Sometimes I’m apathetic about eating well or exercising. Sometimes I’m not. But sometimes I am. This is what I look like while on the couch.

Lust: I actually don’t have a problem with this one. I am fortunate and am crazy about Mac. Moving on. Unless of course we consider Brooks Laich, Alex O’Loughlin or Captain Jack Sparrow. You may be thinking, “Johnny Depp?” No, you’re wrong. Captain Jack Sparrow. You heard me.

Greed: This one definitely hits me hard. I want everything. And I want it now. I want more money. I want a better body. I want a lawn. I want a puppy. I want no financial worries. I want to eat a bag of double stuffed oreos and still have a decent figure. I want three day weekends every week.

See PINTEREST for pictures. You'll become greedy too.

Pride: I am a prideful person. I pride myself on being a good teacher, even though I have weak moments. I pride myself on being a good friend, even though I don’t call my friends often enough. I think about them all the time. I pride myself on being a good daughter, sister and wife, even though sometimes I probably disappoint my family members. If anyone questions my abilities as a friend, teacher, wife, daughter, sister, etc., consider it on-like-donkey-kong. I pride myself on making a good home and decorating well, but I don’t want anyone to see the messiness that sometimes takes place during the week. (i.e. I can clean like a mad man faster than anyone you know if I know someone is stopping by.) I like to think I have athletic abilities that still linger from my childhood, even though I wasn’t the best on any team I participated in. I can swim, play field hockey and lacrosse, hit a baseball far, a golf ball far and catch. Throwing a ball well is not my most consistent talent. Sometimes the ball goes at like a 90 degree angle and comes close to someone else on the beach. Last year, I was so sure I could swim the length of the pool underwater, and I couldn’t. I went back and did it a week later and have Shannon as my witness. My pride often puts my foot in my mouth. This is what a pretty room would look like in my house. Don't open any closet doors though.

Envy: Man am I guilty of this sin lately. I have been dealing with overwhelming feelings of jealousy and envy. Disclaimer: anyone who has something I want probably deserves it and probably has worked for it. But truth be told, I am still envious. I blame facebook and pinterest. Everyone posts pictures of good things in their lives, and I love it. I love it so much that I want it. I am actually happy for all those people who post beautiful pictures. And I’m a little envious. I am envious of those with a house. I am envious of those with a lawn. I am envious of those who can take trips without a care in the world (it seems, at least.) I am envious of those with good, toned figures. I am envious of other people’s awesome outfits and abilities to pull off heels and fun jewelry. I am envious of those who live in a city and don’t have a car. It seems so liberating. I am envious of those who live in the country. I bet they see lots of stars every night. I am envious of those who live in a neighborhood, even though I love our apartment and our apartment complex. Even though I am envious of about a million things, believe it or not, I am so grateful for everything I do have. I’ve read somewhere that if you want someone else’s life, then you have to take the bad with the good. I’m having the time of my life dealing with my own problems. No need to try to wrangle with someone else’s!

Gluttony: Sweet Jesus. Um yes, sign me up for that one. Is there a gluttony anonymous meeting somewhere local? I don’t need to go to an Over-eater’s anonymous meeting, but how about a snackers meeting? Because truthfully, my meals aren’t what do me in. It’s my snacking. For the love of a hippopotamus, I can put away snack food like you’ve never seen. Well, unless you’ve seen my dad eat. Have I mentioned before that he has an actual strategy for eating twelve donuts within 24 hours? He’ll explain it to you if you ask, and he’ll be really excited about it. Yes, Dave Kelly is a snacker. So is his daughter. When I was in high school, he used to call me “tons of fun” and sometimes “thunder thighs.” Never once offended me. First, I wasn’t embarrassed about my size. Second, he was 100% joking. Third, he knew it didn’t bother me.

If I’ve told this story before, I apologize. In middle school, I was super skinny. Like, shot up five inches in 7th grade, had my tonsils and adenoids out at the end of that year, dropped 15 pounds (what a great diet- surgery), and weighed maybe 90 pounds? I was about 5’4” and 90 pounds. Ate all the time. I would try to polish off a bag of doritos before dinner. My dad told my mom he thought I had an eating disorder, because I ate so much junk, and was so skinny. She told him, just wait. She’s gonna grow OUT soon. Although I’m sure she said it nicer.
Sur enough, I did grow out. Two years later, my dad probably thought I had another eating disorder. I wasn’t chubby, but I just “thickened.” Then I kind of tapered off and went to college. Stayed around the same size. Fast forward, you’ve heard about post-college. My friend Gavin said the sweetest thing one time. He said girls shouldn’t get made fun of for gaining weight in college. He said it’s because they’re turning into women. Wow, how beautiful. And with all due respect to Gavin’s gorgeous wife Amy, this coming from him, the guy who doesn’t date bigger than a size 2, well, this was so sweet! What a nice way to describe weight gain. Becoming a woman. Um, then I am uber-woman.

Dare I say that my gluttony is making me un-woman-like. Linebacker shoulders. Hourglass figure turned to apple/orange/pear shaped all in one. Husky. Chins. Plump. Chubby. Chunky chunk. Glutton. Gluttony. I’m not voluptuous. I’m unhealthy.

Let me answer a question that someone may have, as I know I’ve asked myself this. If I’m doing so well with the gym (and I am), why only 5 pounds down? Diet. I’m not “dieting,” but literally, it’s my food diet. I am eating way too much, and even though I’m working out and getting stronger, the exercise can’t undo gluttony. So if you read the BRAVE column on the left, and wonder, “Why isn’t she losing weight?” now you know. It’s because I am a glutton. I mean, I don’t get sick. And I’m not someone who’s obsessed with eating. But ya, I eat out of boredom sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break. I’ve been through some of this before.
The other night, I got really mad at myself. It’s bc I knew my weigh in was going to be bad. I didn’t want to post it. If I’d just freaking committed in the first place, or in the SECOND place, I wouldn’t be such a heffer. Ok, I’ll back off. But seriously. It’s my fault, and mine alone. I am definitely proud of myself for going to the gym. I look great when I come back, because I am a sweaty mess. But the eating. It’s got to change. It just has to. If my eating doesn’t change, I won’t change. I am proud of the exercise. It’s important to acknowledge that I have been successful in that area. But it's important to let yourself get frustrated sometimes too. Or cry. Or scream. Or look like the child in the first photo. So yeah, I guess today, I am going back and forth. I am proud, but I am a little ashamed, because I know I can do better.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


My last blog wasn’t so hot. It was kind of mean and a little snarky. Please forgive me. I wasn’t doing the best, emotionally, when I wrote it, and it showed. If I offended anyone, I’m so, so, sorry. It’s never my goal. Anyways, moving on…
· I would be lost without the support of Mac.
· I would be lost without the support of my family.
· I would be lost without the support of my friends.
· I love a good supportive sports bra.
· Sometimes I think I should find something to support my rear when I work out.
· I’ve thought about spanx, but who wears spanx to the gym?!
· Like in Seinfeld, Kramer came up with the bro. (Bra for dudes.)
· This could be the bra + butt = brutt. I’m sure I’ll become a millionare.
· I am sometimes judgmental, and it’s something I continuously work on.
· Karma visits me often, in many forms. As it should.
· You think I’d learn from my mistakes, but I’m human.
· I worked out three times last week. It’s the first week I’ve missed the 4x mark.
· I hope to work out 5x this week to make up for this past week.
· I was irresponsible with my medicine a week ago, and missed 3 days of pills.
· I was really “off” for a few days, and was doing everything I could to make myself feel better.
· I made homemade chocolate chip cookies and you know I ate them.
· I almost cried in the grocery store bc the strawberries all had mold in them. Ewww.
· On Sunday, the gym was really, really hard.
· Even though the gym was really hard, I made it through my workout.
· I am a fan of Michelle Obama’s campaign for working out 60 minutes a day. It makes sense.
· I’ve been really bad with recording my food. I can’t decide if I should keep trying to record food.
· Sometimes, I try to combine diets.
· Like, oooh, Atkins says you can eat cheese, so I can eat all the cheese I want.
· Then I’ll change it up, to, one hershey’s kiss is 1 point on Weight Watchers.
· Combining diets is not cool, Megan. Stop it.
· I often have a mental battle with myself about which is better: eat well, or work out.
· Why do I think it should be one or the other? Shouldn’t it be both?
· I am more flexible, physically.
· I can’t wait for my clothes to feel loose, or fit better.
· I don’t want to be one of those girls who talks about losing weight all the time, and never does.
· If I go up one more size, I won’t be able to shop in my favorite store, Gap. Maybe online.
· Why chance it? Just go down in size.
· I don’t want to be considered a “big girl,” “fat” or “unhealthy.”
· Nothing is wrong with being any of those often rude labels, but in my opinion, my frame isn’t meant to handle this much weight.
· 1 of my biggest problems right now is knowing that I am too big for my frame.
· Another of my biggest problems is knowing that I’m not healthy right now.
· I’m tired of being paranoid if someone happens to glance at my stomach.
· When I lost weight before, I remember driving and not lopping over my jeans.
· That is a fantastic memory.
· I giggle a little bit every time I get on the bike and select the band, Queen.
· The first song of Queen I listen to is “Fat Bottomed Girls.” Ironic, isn’t it.
· In Bossypants by Tina Fey, she shares that when she was overweight, she was ironing in her underwear and accidentally grazed her belly with the iron.
· That made me laugh so hard.
· I have split a couple pairs of pants in my lifetime.
· I usually split pants on the inside thigh of my left leg. At least it’s not in the tush.
· My wedding dress was something insane like a size 22.
· I say insane, because that’s about 6 sizes bigger than what I was at the time.
· Apparently this happens with lots of wedding dresses.
· Who wants to buy something so much bigger in size than what they actually are?!
· Way to give someone a complex.
· My wedding dress was more expensive bc they needed to use extra fabric due to the size.
· I was really ashamed about that.
· My parents, God bless them, took that information without batting an eyelash.
· They paid for my wedding dress, another one of the million things I’m eternally grateful for.
· I loved my wedding dress and I think I looked pretty good in it, though I wish I’d had better posture the day of my wedding.
· The big, poofy dresses are not for me. I looked so ridiculous in them. Like a cupcake.
· Sometimes I have double chinS in pictures.
· Sometimes I am surprised at my size when I pass the mirror at the gym.
· I almost always want instant gratification.
· If my face isn’t red after my workouts, I haven’t worked hard enough.
· If my rings don’t spin while on the elliptical, I’m not working hard enough.
· That’s not masochism speaking, it’s the truth.
· I know what hard work is, and I know what happens to me when I work hard. I sweat, and my rings spin. I think it’s hot.
· I’ve dealt with 3 pimples on my face in one day. Some more are scattered on my arms and legs.
· I think it’s from the sweat, and so I’ll gladly take them.
· TMI, I remember the first time I needed powder on my thighs.
· I went on the longest walk on the beach ever with my friend Tim.
· I came back, and my thighs hurt. This was new to me.
· I went into the condo and put LOTION on my thighs.
· I came back out, sat next to Kendra and told her my problem.
· She laughed when I said I used lotion.
· She introduced me to powder and my life has never been the same.
· This was all so very random, and I apologize if you got all the way to the end of it.
· Sometimes, I literally can’t form paragraphs. It happens when I’m tired.
· Thank you everyone for your support. The emails, fb messages, text messages, comments, likes, phone calls and personal conversations. They all mean so much to me. Please know that.