Tuesday, July 24, 2012

to the guys

To the guys who have read my blog, thank you. To the gals who have read my blog, thank you. But this one's for the guys.

Dear men,

Sup. Thanks for stopping by. Grab a beer and have one for me, please. Blue Moon is my favorite. Do it justice, and throw in an orange slice. I don't know if you read because your wife, sister or mom told you she thinks I'm funny. I'm not sure if you read because you've dealt with weight loss. (Doubtful.) I don't know if you read because you remember small Megan, and you want her back as badly as I do. I've got bad news though; she's not coming back. A new one is coming, Megan 3.0. A better version. Don't worry, I'll still be hilarious and out-burp every single one of you.

I'll still made chip beef dip on Sundays in the fall and invite people over to watch Mac and me scream at the tv and each other. I'll still scream at hockey games while eating peanuts and drinking $10 beers. I'll still make the best chex mix you've ever had in your life, pretty amazing cookies, and I'll try to feed you until you're uncomfortably full.

But really, when you guys have "liked" my blog links, or told me you've read this blog, I'm shocked. Wth. Isn't it a little too girly for you? What about all those terrible womanly things I write about? Um, do those speak to you? Do you feel like you've just learned the secret pains your wife, mother, sister or friends are dealing with, like bloating and bitchiness? If so, I'm happy to enlighten. Consider it my freaking pleasure.

Next, have you had weight problems? I can't think of a single guy with "weight issues." I mean, I know guys who have gained and lost weight, but they're guys, so they don't broadcast it in some needy fashion. (Like someone we know.) Do guys' clothes ever get tight? And lastly, can one of you please explain to me how your legs never change? Literally, girls gain weight and some of it goes to the legs. Guys, all of them seem to have amazing legs. Never get bigger, never get smaller. Basically, a non-issue. Just in case you're wondering, when most girls gain weight, it goes everywhere. For real, my fingers are chubby.

Ok, lastly, thanks. Thanks for reading, thanks for quoting my blog back to me. It's incredibly sweet, and I appreciate it. Now finish your beer. Stop milking it, you bitch.


p.s. I lost .6 pound. (How am I supposed to write that? I lost .6 an ounce? 6/10 of a pound? I don't know. Apologies for the bad grammar.) As they say in sports, a win is a win.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Left the 200s.

I did it. Lost 3.9 pounds, weighed in at 199.5 and broke the twos. Phewf. That was fun. I really hope to never visit them again. Really. Again, nothing wrong with being in the 200s, but I don't believe my body is built for that number. So, down we go.

I've been thinking about how glad I am that I shared my weight. Initially I shared it for selfish reasons. (The good kind of selfish, if that makes sense.) I am a somewhat logical person, so seeing the actual number go down vs. "I lost 2 lbs, I lost .8 lbs," etc. seemed easier. I also shared it because what's the point of having a honest blog with an elephant in the room? I viewed my weight as the elephant. Now that Dumbo has been out of the closet for a while, we can all move on.

You know why I'm really happy I shared my weight now? Because I like to think it made one person feel better about themselves or their own weight. I don't know who that person is. I don't know other peoples' weights. Weight is a VERY PERSONAL matter and it's totally a private thing. Am I embarrassed that some of my guy friends who tower over me weigh the same as or less than I do? Eh. It used to. But it doesn't necessarily bother me. Weight means something different for everyone. You can be 5' and 200, 5'5" and 200 and 6' and 200, and not one person will look even remotely the same. I bet two people the same height can each weigh 200 and look different due to shapes. It's amazing.

Anyways, back on track. What if there was someone else out there who was unsure of themselves because of their weight, got bored for a hot second and read my blog? What if it put a smile on their face because they are either a) not as big as me, or b) my weight? What if that one person felt like there was someone else they could relate to, i.e. Megan? How freaking cool is that? I know it makes me happy. Every time someone has told me, texted me, facebooked me, called me or emailed me to tell me how they or someone they know has "been there"... well it's just fantastic. Safety in numbers, for sure.

Lastly, want to know kind of a weird day dream of mine? Of course you do. For everyone to walk around with a sign on them giving their weight. Again, I get that it's personal, but how liberating would that be? I also think most of us would be shocked by other's weights. Maybe I'm just not good at guessing, but it could be kind of fun?

Ok, scratch that last paragraph. If I asked people to do that in Philly, they'd throw beer bottles at me, ever so appropriately.

p.s. It was really fun when I typed my weight on the side bar. I accidentally started with 2, then had to backspace to type 1. That made me smile. :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I gained.

I gained 2.3 pounds. For several reasons, and I will explain one of them here. I woke up Saturday morning, after doing pretty well all week, and I was under 200. Yay! What better way to celebrate than going to FOUR wineries with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle, followed by a bbq? Well, the next day, I was like five pounds heavier. Shocking.

Am I upset? Eh. It happens. If I was to weigh in today, it would have only been a .3 pound gain. I seem to have magically lost two of the pounds already. Sometimes, I can literally gain and lose several pounds in one day. Am I mad? Eh. It happens. What are you going to do?

I'm choosing not to be upset or mad or frustrated. I'm choosing to still feel proud. I lost weight for 8 consecutive weeks, and that feels like a giant success to me. In fact, maybe it was about time I gained some weight. I'm not perfect, I'm not going to weigh 160 by the time I'm 30, and I am perfectly ok with that. Because it's progress. It happens, and there is no point in getting mad. Will I have a better week? Of course. I actually went to the gym three times last week, so I will repeat that. I am still doing well, day to day. There's no point in kicking myself.

I don't want to yell at myself. Overall, I'm still down. I wouldn't even say I've fallen off of the wagon or anything like that. I don't know. I'm sure some people would be really mad, but I'm too relaxed to be mad. What's the point? I'll just try to do better, it's that simple. :)

Oh, and Happy Anniversary Mac. I love you. I'm grateful you loved me at 140, 180 and 220, and now. I'm so thankful for your support, and I'm happy you never yell at me. I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me at all my sizes, my ups and downs, and yet still, encourages me to live a healthier life, so we can be around for many, many years together. I love you for all that, and so much more.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Pass Megan Sweets

Or Pass Megan Salt. Or Pass Megan Sugar.

See what I did there? It's time to do the post on why women's weight can be different than men's. Starting with a monthly timeline and the horrors of PMS.

For my research, I went to the "ever-reliable" WebMD.

Premenstrual Syndrome physical symptoms include: breast swelling and tenderness, bloating, weight gain, water retention, changes in bowel habits (I can't believe I just typed that), acne, nipple discharge, food cravings, especially sweet or salty foods, sleep pattern changes, fatigue, lack of energy, decreased sexual desire and lastly, pain, including headaches, cramps, leg pains and lower back pains.

Clearly, I've highlighted the parts that have to do with weight gain. Um, take a look at those horrible symptoms again. Those are AWFUL. Do I believe PMS to be a myth or a fact? Fact, all the way. In fact, I bet you anything most women will tell you they suffer from at least 2 of those symptoms. Me? I don't suffer from all of them, but I can vouch for several being true.

Premenstrual Syndrome behavioral symptoms include: aggression and withdrawal from family and friends.

T for true. Not intentional, but it can happen.

Premenstrual Syndrome emotional and cognitive symptoms include: depression, sadness, hopelessness, anger, irritability, anxiety, mood swings, decreased alertness and the inability to concentrate.

Alrighty. T for true for this too, kind of. Good to know I can blame my ADD on PMS as well. That will be a new excuse I throw into the mix.

Have you seriously gotten this far? Do you honestly wonder why women eat so much and gain weight during pms?! Seriously, I should be drunk during that time as well! It's miserable!

Um, then let's follow all of this up with the period. For the love of God. Not even going there, but let's just say parts of that can be terrible as well.

No wonder men supposedly lose weight more easily with women. They don't have a monthly battle to deal with. Well, technically, Mac does. It's me. :)

Anyways... moving on to the points of this blog. Let's outline what a month can look like for Megan.

Week 1: Man it's a beautiful day outside! I'm doing a good job with my weight loss. Traffic? Who cares? I love everyone and everything! Life is great!

Week 2: More of the same.

Week 3: This weather sucks. All weather sucks. I suck and you suck. My weight loss sucks. This bowling ball in my stomach sucks. Traffic sucks. I hate everything, especially Hallmark commercials that make me cry hysterically. Why did I gain weight this week? Oh, because I ate everything. Will did I yell at Mac? I can't remember. Must be the ADD.

Week 4: More of the same, but a little more mellow. Weight loss still not good.

Week 5/Week 1: Repeat everything, and all that "water weight" goes away, like it's some sort of blessed miracle.

Ultimately, if I was to eat perfectly, work out perfectly, and never misbehave, I still think that simply "being a woman" would affect my weight loss. Is everything I typed an excuse? Maybe in your opinion. But for me, it's true, and you know what? I'm banking on using these "excuses" till menopause. So, watch out. And around the third and fourth week of the month, don't call me fat.

Monday, July 2, 2012

How to lose .8 pound(s)

I lost .8 lb. Would you like to know how I did it? Follow these steps.

1. Get a ticket for a baseball game in MD in late June during a heat wave.
2. Go to Camden Yards and sit in the seat, in the sun for the entire game.
3. Ta Da.

Yep, I'm pretty sure the only reason I lost any weight is because I went to the baseball game. I left .8 of Megan in some seat in the outfield. I believe if there was a roof over Camden Yards, that place would have stunk to high heavens. Sweat marks on shorts, shirts and hats were acceptable. No judging. Everyone was soaked.

I also went on a walk with Mac one night and went to the gym the other day. I ate tons of bruschetta and edamame. Lots of fresh fruit too. That's where the good part ends.

Because I had popcorn. FOUR TIMES. At the movies, at the baseball game, at home watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, and again last night because I was craving salt and butter like nobody's business. Oh, and at home, I followed the popcorn with some peanut butter M&Ms. I'm rolling my eyes at myself. I lost control, but I think I have it back. Let's blame it on PMS. I may do an entire post about the truths of pms. I mean, how lovely would that be.

Bless Mac's heart too, he tried to stop me. I approached him about 15 times yesterday, telling him I wanted popcorn. "No, Megan. Be strong. It's just in your head. Go to the gym and see if that will quench your craving." 10:00 rolled around, Real Housewives of NJ came on, and I needed some popcorn. I will send the remaining kernels home with my brother in law, because they can't stay here. I WILL eat them.

Anyways, for whatever reason, I don't really NEED to have popcorn today. Or m&ms. I do have a strong desire to go to the gym, and I will once I'm done writing this post.

I also need to be careful. I didn't eat many meals last week. It was just sooooo hot, and all I wanted was bruschetta, edamame, babybel cheese and fruit. I threw out two Jenny Craig meals in the middle of eating them because they tasted bad. I'm sure two months ago they would have tasted fine, but I think I'm getting to the "sick of the food" point. I'll keep it up, but it's about that time where they encourage you to bring in your own food. Sounds good to me!

Goals for this week:
* Leave the 200s.
* Go to the gym at least 4 times.
* Eat MEALS.
* Continue to drink oodles of water.
* If brother in law doesn't want popcorn, throw away devil kernels.
* Set alarm for 10:00 AM. Stop sleeping in till PM times. You are a grown up, fool.