Monday, June 25, 2012


I lost 1 pound. As of right now, I have officially lost 15.5 pounds since starting Jenny Craig, and a little over 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a ways to go, but I'm doing a little jig. :)

I've read and reread this post about ten times. It seems really jumbled, and I'm chalking it up to having a summer brain. :) Sorry for run-on sentences, but I'm too lazy to grab my high school grammar text book and double check things. :)

I've thought about this for a while, and I think there are three compliments that I consider to be the best, at this point in my life.

#1: "You are so tan!"
Well, thank you!. It's what the Kellys do. We go to the beach, or the pool and we get tan. When someone tells me I'm tan, you'd think they just referred to me as Heidi Freaking Klum. It is a high compliment to me. Don't bother with the lectures of the dangers of sun rays, I'm Vitamin D's #1 fan. I stopped wearing oil years ago, (yes I wore oil up through college) and stopped when Mac asked me to, saying he wanted me to "be around for a while." :) I feel better about myself when I'm tan, dumb as that may sound. I love the sun, love spending time outside, and love being in the presence of some body of water. I do not use tanning beds or spray on tans; I don't believe in them. I get my tan the natural way, and I wear sunscreen, 15 or 30. It is a compliment for you to call me tan, and without thinking or blinking, I will thank you.

#2: "Wow, you take head meds?"
Um, omg. When I have chosen to tell people this in person, I have expected all sorts of reactions. I have only gotten positive ones. People being patient, understanding, resourceful, knowledgeable, etc. It has restored all faith in humanity, dramatic as that may sound. The highest compliment is when I've decided to share with someone that I take medicine for depression and anxiety, and they appear shocked. I don't believe it's rehearsed. I don't believe it's fake. I choose to believe people's reactions are usually true, because I'm a bad liar myself. It's the highest compliment when someone tells me they had no idea. You mean you didn't know I was crazy?!!?!?!??! Thank GOD, I've been trying to hide it for so long. You mean you know someone who is too?!?!?!?!?! Thank GOD, I thought I was the only one. You mean you had a Meltdown TOO at some point in your life? Thank GOD, because we can relate! No seriously, it's so comforting. It is, without a doubt, the BEST compliment I can ever receive. I didn't even know how high of a compliment it was until I considered it my biggest "issue."

#3: "You look thin!"
Actually, as amazing as this compliment is, I only believe it if I feel it. The others, well I can buy. They're easier for me to understand. Tan? Yes, well I've been to the beach. Normal? Yeah, I've been working on masking my "nuttiness" with humor for years now. Thin? Ummm... that depends on how I'm feeling today.

Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful compliment. I appreciate it no matter what, but it takes a special kind of day, kind of outfit for me to feel thin. There's no black or white answer to feeling thin either. I either do, or I don't.

If I've lost weight at my weekly weigh-in, I usually feel pretty good. If I've drank a bunch of water recently, I feel pretty good. If my pants fit well, I usually feel pretty good. If I've worked out, I feel pretty good.

Here's to feeling good, feeling better, and feeling the best that I can.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Falling off the wagon

This post is supposed to be about falling off of the wagon. Because I did. I fell off. I had Mexican for dinner. I had Rita's soft serve ice cream. (Kid size, vanilla, rainbow jimmies, bc that's what they're called.) Nothing kid about the size that I got though. I had wings, beer, light beer, tortilla chips, and then we hosted supper club. I made homemade pie and ate some. I drank rum. I had bread with dipping oils. I ate some candy.

By some crazy miracle, I lost weight. 1.7 pounds to be exact. I went in for my weigh in today, prepared to have gained.

I have two theories for my losing weight. Would you like to hear them? I thought so.

Theory #1: This theory is tmi, so if you don't want to read something tmi, skip this paragraph. Last week, period visited. PMS attacked from all sides. Mac took several verbal beatings. I cried every other day, at all times of the day. And, true to form, I was bloated and really thirsty, drinking obscene amounts of water. I think one of the reasons I lost weight today is because said situation is gone. Water weight is gone. Or something like that.

Theory #2: I listed everything bad that I ate up top. But do you know what's interesting? What I did this past week was, believe it or not, still better than what I used to do. Are all of those foods good? Nope. Did I eat most of them in moderation? Yep. 5 wings instead of 10. 1 piece of pie with no ice cream, etc. So I guess that's it. It just seems like falling off the wagon now. Which is a good thing, I think. I shouldn't behave like that every week. It was a special week!

I live for special days and weeks. I love to celebrate anything and everything. SCHOOL IS OUT! If you know me in person, you know this was a difficult year for me, and I'm so relieved to be finished. I have almost done several cartwheels, seriously. And I've celebrated. All teachers who do their job should celebrate. Well, if you work hard, you should celebrate. It's summer! The best season! The time for living in a bathing suit!

Um, about the bathing suit. More on that later. I can tell you I will do a better job this week. The other good news? I'm staring to notice more. Other people are being polite and asking. (They read the blog.) I am getting a little flatter in the front, and I'm so happy about that. So, I'll keep going.

Lastly, I am 10 pounds away from my halfway goal with Jenny Craig. Um, that is crazy. I feel good, but to imagine another 40 pounds? I'll be smokin', for sure.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Trouble Spots

I guess I was lucky. When I gained all my weight initially, the weight went on evenly. Every part of me got bigger. Maybe that's one of the reasons I felt that it crept up on me. It wasn't just one area. Of course certain areas didn't get bigger until the peak of my weight gain, but still, they eventually came. Two things that people have said to me stick out in my mind.

#1: A friend asked me why, in pictures, I wasn't smiling as big. I didn't understand it. I looked at pictures to see what she was talking about, and my heart sank when I realized what she meant. My smile was the same size as it had always been, and I like my smile. However, because my face had puffed out some, my smile looked smaller. My cheeks, jaw and neck made me look like I wasn't as happy.

#2: One of my friends gained a bunch of weight during her first year of work. While I didn't realize it as much, because she has a pretty small frame, she gained about 20 - 25 lbs. I think. She was the one who complimented me for carrying my weight gain so well, and she was envious that I gained it evenly. She, on the other hand, only gained it in her stomach. No different anywhere else in her body. This type of weight gain could make her look disproportional. Or anyone for that matter.

Look, these are both dear friends who spoke honestly to me, and that is one of the many reasons I love them. I never thought about my smile changing, and I can't wait for my face to un-puff itself. I never thought about how I had gained weight evenly. I guess I was lucky. I am and look overweight, but I am quite proportioned.

Now, for the losing weight. I lost 1.1 pounds since last Wednesday. Not bad, I will take it. I'm just looking to get at least one pound down each week. Totally healthy and totally rewarding to see a new number on the scale. I actually glared at the scale today, before I got on it, hoping to see 204 somewhere on it. (In my mind, it's like I'm a character in a sitcom. The scale is the enemy, of course.) Next week, I'm hoping to see 203 or 202. Etc.

Anyways, to the trouble spots, the title. Everyone's got their trouble spots, so do I. Just like I gained weight evenly, I'm losing it evenly. But I'm not looking at many parts of my body. I'm looking at what appears to be some sort of a spare tire, and it has nothing to do with my car. This spare tire doesn't cost $150 - $200, but it has been bought and paid for. This spare tire doesn't even look even. It looks bigger on the left side. (How is that even possible?!) It's getting smaller, but so are other parts of my body. I'm bad though, I just keep staring at this one spot. I'm not thinking about my hips, or my legs, my rear, my chest or my face right now. I'm looking at what I think is my biggest trouble spot.

I don't think my stomach will go away with crunches. Exercise, sure. But it's going to take significant weight loss to see the desired result I'm after. Is my muffin top getting smaller? Yes. Do I still have a stomach? Yes. Am I a little too fixated on my stomach? Maybe. It's my trouble spot right now. It's the number one reason I dislike pictures. After that, just throw in my whole upper body. I feel like I look fleshy. I don't want to be fleshy. I don't want to be husky. I want to look more feminine, and I feel like losing weight is helping me accomplish that.