Sorry.

I apologize ALL the time. I'm often yelled at for doing it. Such a conversation goes like this:

Me: Sorry for blah blah blah....
You: It's ok.
Me: Ok, just wanted to make sure you knew I was sorry.
You: Got it. Stop saying sorry.
Me: Ok. Sorry.
You: Death glare.
Me: For saying sorry. I'm sorry for saying sorry.
You: Haven't blinked.
Me: Ok, now I'm finished.

Ask about half of my friends and they'll tell you about this.

So this post is one HUGE apology. If you don't want to hear/read me say sorry, kindly close this window. In advance, I'm sorry for all the sorrys I'm about to say.

I'm sorry I stopped writing for 2 1/2 months.
I'm sorry I kind of gave up.
I'm sorry that I worked so hard only to make it bad.
I'm sorry if you felt motivated by me, and not having this to read caused you to eat McNuggets. I NEVER want you to eat McNuggets.
I'm sorry if you suggested things to me and felt like I didn't take them. I did.
I'm sorry if you supported me and felt like I didn't appreciate it. I do.
I'm sorry if you felt invested in this blog and then felt let down. I did/do too.
I'm sorry if you've ever cringed while looking at me or seeing my weight on the side. I have too.
I'm sorry if you listened to me and feel like I ignored you. I didn't.
I'm sorry if I yelled at you.
I'm sorry if I was mean to you because I was truly upset with myself.
I'm sorry if you had to deal with my negativity.

Ok, now please understand this. I am well aware of how crazy the above apologies are. WELL AWARE. However, I also mean them.

I also am sorry to myself. Not feeling sorry for myself; that's different. I'm sorry I gave up a little bit and way over-indulged during the holidays. True to form, 20 to 20 hindsight. Shouldn't have eaten this, shouldn't have drank that, should have run there, etc.

I'm back to trying. I've got several reasons, and I'll continue to post about them. I was really hoping that this over-weight thing would just be a phase in my life. Well, maybe it will have been, but I think maintaining healthy eating and work out options will be a life-long job. I think a part of me hoped that wasn't and wouldn't be true. But it is. How can it not be? Anything worth having is worth working for. So, I'll work for this. I'll work for a better weight, a happier mentality and stronger muscles. I'll work for a better life. It's worth it.

p.s. Sorry if you're annoyed that I posted this. :) Just kidding! (Kind of.)