I did it. Lost 3.9 pounds, weighed in at 199.5 and broke the twos. Phewf. That was fun. I really hope to never visit them again. Really. Again, nothing wrong with being in the 200s, but I don't believe my body is built for that number. So, down we go.
I've been thinking about how glad I am that I shared my weight. Initially I shared it for selfish reasons. (The good kind of selfish, if that makes sense.) I am a somewhat logical person, so seeing the actual number go down vs. "I lost 2 lbs, I lost .8 lbs," etc. seemed easier. I also shared it because what's the point of having a honest blog with an elephant in the room? I viewed my weight as the elephant. Now that Dumbo has been out of the closet for a while, we can all move on.
You know why I'm really happy I shared my weight now? Because I like to think it made one person feel better about themselves or their own weight. I don't know who that person is. I don't know other peoples' weights. Weight is a VERY PERSONAL matter and it's totally a private thing. Am I embarrassed that some of my guy friends who tower over me weigh the same as or less than I do? Eh. It used to. But it doesn't necessarily bother me. Weight means something different for everyone. You can be 5' and 200, 5'5" and 200 and 6' and 200, and not one person will look even remotely the same. I bet two people the same height can each weigh 200 and look different due to shapes. It's amazing.
Anyways, back on track. What if there was someone else out there who was unsure of themselves because of their weight, got bored for a hot second and read my blog? What if it put a smile on their face because they are either a) not as big as me, or b) my weight? What if that one person felt like there was someone else they could relate to, i.e. Megan? How freaking cool is that? I know it makes me happy. Every time someone has told me, texted me, facebooked me, called me or emailed me to tell me how they or someone they know has "been there"... well it's just fantastic. Safety in numbers, for sure.
Lastly, want to know kind of a weird day dream of mine? Of course you do. For everyone to walk around with a sign on them giving their weight. Again, I get that it's personal, but how liberating would that be? I also think most of us would be shocked by other's weights. Maybe I'm just not good at guessing, but it could be kind of fun?
Ok, scratch that last paragraph. If I asked people to do that in Philly, they'd throw beer bottles at me, ever so appropriately.
p.s. It was really fun when I typed my weight on the side bar. I accidentally started with 2, then had to backspace to type 1. That made me smile. :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I gained.
I gained 2.3 pounds. For several reasons, and I will explain one of them here. I woke up Saturday morning, after doing pretty well all week, and I was under 200. Yay! What better way to celebrate than going to FOUR wineries with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle, followed by a bbq? Well, the next day, I was like five pounds heavier. Shocking.
Am I upset? Eh. It happens. If I was to weigh in today, it would have only been a .3 pound gain. I seem to have magically lost two of the pounds already. Sometimes, I can literally gain and lose several pounds in one day. Am I mad? Eh. It happens. What are you going to do?
I'm choosing not to be upset or mad or frustrated. I'm choosing to still feel proud. I lost weight for 8 consecutive weeks, and that feels like a giant success to me. In fact, maybe it was about time I gained some weight. I'm not perfect, I'm not going to weigh 160 by the time I'm 30, and I am perfectly ok with that. Because it's progress. It happens, and there is no point in getting mad. Will I have a better week? Of course. I actually went to the gym three times last week, so I will repeat that. I am still doing well, day to day. There's no point in kicking myself.
I don't want to yell at myself. Overall, I'm still down. I wouldn't even say I've fallen off of the wagon or anything like that. I don't know. I'm sure some people would be really mad, but I'm too relaxed to be mad. What's the point? I'll just try to do better, it's that simple. :)
Oh, and Happy Anniversary Mac. I love you. I'm grateful you loved me at 140, 180 and 220, and now. I'm so thankful for your support, and I'm happy you never yell at me. I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me at all my sizes, my ups and downs, and yet still, encourages me to live a healthier life, so we can be around for many, many years together. I love you for all that, and so much more.
Am I upset? Eh. It happens. If I was to weigh in today, it would have only been a .3 pound gain. I seem to have magically lost two of the pounds already. Sometimes, I can literally gain and lose several pounds in one day. Am I mad? Eh. It happens. What are you going to do?
I'm choosing not to be upset or mad or frustrated. I'm choosing to still feel proud. I lost weight for 8 consecutive weeks, and that feels like a giant success to me. In fact, maybe it was about time I gained some weight. I'm not perfect, I'm not going to weigh 160 by the time I'm 30, and I am perfectly ok with that. Because it's progress. It happens, and there is no point in getting mad. Will I have a better week? Of course. I actually went to the gym three times last week, so I will repeat that. I am still doing well, day to day. There's no point in kicking myself.
I don't want to yell at myself. Overall, I'm still down. I wouldn't even say I've fallen off of the wagon or anything like that. I don't know. I'm sure some people would be really mad, but I'm too relaxed to be mad. What's the point? I'll just try to do better, it's that simple. :)
Oh, and Happy Anniversary Mac. I love you. I'm grateful you loved me at 140, 180 and 220, and now. I'm so thankful for your support, and I'm happy you never yell at me. I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me at all my sizes, my ups and downs, and yet still, encourages me to live a healthier life, so we can be around for many, many years together. I love you for all that, and so much more.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Pass Megan Sweets
Or Pass Megan Salt. Or Pass Megan Sugar.
See what I did there? It's time to do the post on why women's weight can be different than men's. Starting with a monthly timeline and the horrors of PMS.
For my research, I went to the "ever-reliable" WebMD.
Premenstrual Syndrome physical symptoms include: breast swelling and tenderness, bloating, weight gain, water retention, changes in bowel habits (I can't believe I just typed that), acne, nipple discharge, food cravings, especially sweet or salty foods, sleep pattern changes, fatigue, lack of energy, decreased sexual desire and lastly, pain, including headaches, cramps, leg pains and lower back pains.
Clearly, I've highlighted the parts that have to do with weight gain. Um, take a look at those horrible symptoms again. Those are AWFUL. Do I believe PMS to be a myth or a fact? Fact, all the way. In fact, I bet you anything most women will tell you they suffer from at least 2 of those symptoms. Me? I don't suffer from all of them, but I can vouch for several being true.
Premenstrual Syndrome behavioral symptoms include: aggression and withdrawal from family and friends.
T for true. Not intentional, but it can happen.
Premenstrual Syndrome emotional and cognitive symptoms include: depression, sadness, hopelessness, anger, irritability, anxiety, mood swings, decreased alertness and the inability to concentrate.
Alrighty. T for true for this too, kind of. Good to know I can blame my ADD on PMS as well. That will be a new excuse I throw into the mix.
Have you seriously gotten this far? Do you honestly wonder why women eat so much and gain weight during pms?! Seriously, I should be drunk during that time as well! It's miserable!
Um, then let's follow all of this up with the period. For the love of God. Not even going there, but let's just say parts of that can be terrible as well.
No wonder men supposedly lose weight more easily with women. They don't have a monthly battle to deal with. Well, technically, Mac does. It's me. :)
Anyways... moving on to the points of this blog. Let's outline what a month can look like for Megan.
Week 1: Man it's a beautiful day outside! I'm doing a good job with my weight loss. Traffic? Who cares? I love everyone and everything! Life is great!
Week 2: More of the same.
Week 3: This weather sucks. All weather sucks. I suck and you suck. My weight loss sucks. This bowling ball in my stomach sucks. Traffic sucks. I hate everything, especially Hallmark commercials that make me cry hysterically. Why did I gain weight this week? Oh, because I ate everything. Will did I yell at Mac? I can't remember. Must be the ADD.
Week 4: More of the same, but a little more mellow. Weight loss still not good.
Week 5/Week 1: Repeat everything, and all that "water weight" goes away, like it's some sort of blessed miracle.
Ultimately, if I was to eat perfectly, work out perfectly, and never misbehave, I still think that simply "being a woman" would affect my weight loss. Is everything I typed an excuse? Maybe in your opinion. But for me, it's true, and you know what? I'm banking on using these "excuses" till menopause. So, watch out. And around the third and fourth week of the month, don't call me fat.
See what I did there? It's time to do the post on why women's weight can be different than men's. Starting with a monthly timeline and the horrors of PMS.
For my research, I went to the "ever-reliable" WebMD.
Premenstrual Syndrome physical symptoms include: breast swelling and tenderness, bloating, weight gain, water retention, changes in bowel habits (I can't believe I just typed that), acne, nipple discharge, food cravings, especially sweet or salty foods, sleep pattern changes, fatigue, lack of energy, decreased sexual desire and lastly, pain, including headaches, cramps, leg pains and lower back pains.
Clearly, I've highlighted the parts that have to do with weight gain. Um, take a look at those horrible symptoms again. Those are AWFUL. Do I believe PMS to be a myth or a fact? Fact, all the way. In fact, I bet you anything most women will tell you they suffer from at least 2 of those symptoms. Me? I don't suffer from all of them, but I can vouch for several being true.
Premenstrual Syndrome behavioral symptoms include: aggression and withdrawal from family and friends.
T for true. Not intentional, but it can happen.
Premenstrual Syndrome emotional and cognitive symptoms include: depression, sadness, hopelessness, anger, irritability, anxiety, mood swings, decreased alertness and the inability to concentrate.
Alrighty. T for true for this too, kind of. Good to know I can blame my ADD on PMS as well. That will be a new excuse I throw into the mix.
Have you seriously gotten this far? Do you honestly wonder why women eat so much and gain weight during pms?! Seriously, I should be drunk during that time as well! It's miserable!
Um, then let's follow all of this up with the period. For the love of God. Not even going there, but let's just say parts of that can be terrible as well.
No wonder men supposedly lose weight more easily with women. They don't have a monthly battle to deal with. Well, technically, Mac does. It's me. :)
Anyways... moving on to the points of this blog. Let's outline what a month can look like for Megan.
Week 1: Man it's a beautiful day outside! I'm doing a good job with my weight loss. Traffic? Who cares? I love everyone and everything! Life is great!
Week 2: More of the same.
Week 3: This weather sucks. All weather sucks. I suck and you suck. My weight loss sucks. This bowling ball in my stomach sucks. Traffic sucks. I hate everything, especially Hallmark commercials that make me cry hysterically. Why did I gain weight this week? Oh, because I ate everything. Will did I yell at Mac? I can't remember. Must be the ADD.
Week 4: More of the same, but a little more mellow. Weight loss still not good.
Week 5/Week 1: Repeat everything, and all that "water weight" goes away, like it's some sort of blessed miracle.
Ultimately, if I was to eat perfectly, work out perfectly, and never misbehave, I still think that simply "being a woman" would affect my weight loss. Is everything I typed an excuse? Maybe in your opinion. But for me, it's true, and you know what? I'm banking on using these "excuses" till menopause. So, watch out. And around the third and fourth week of the month, don't call me fat.
Monday, July 2, 2012
How to lose .8 pound(s)
I lost .8 lb. Would you like to know how I did it? Follow these steps.
1. Get a ticket for a baseball game in MD in late June during a heat wave.
2. Go to Camden Yards and sit in the seat, in the sun for the entire game.
3. Ta Da.
Yep, I'm pretty sure the only reason I lost any weight is because I went to the baseball game. I left .8 of Megan in some seat in the outfield. I believe if there was a roof over Camden Yards, that place would have stunk to high heavens. Sweat marks on shorts, shirts and hats were acceptable. No judging. Everyone was soaked.
I also went on a walk with Mac one night and went to the gym the other day. I ate tons of bruschetta and edamame. Lots of fresh fruit too. That's where the good part ends.
Because I had popcorn. FOUR TIMES. At the movies, at the baseball game, at home watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, and again last night because I was craving salt and butter like nobody's business. Oh, and at home, I followed the popcorn with some peanut butter M&Ms. I'm rolling my eyes at myself. I lost control, but I think I have it back. Let's blame it on PMS. I may do an entire post about the truths of pms. I mean, how lovely would that be.
Bless Mac's heart too, he tried to stop me. I approached him about 15 times yesterday, telling him I wanted popcorn. "No, Megan. Be strong. It's just in your head. Go to the gym and see if that will quench your craving." 10:00 rolled around, Real Housewives of NJ came on, and I needed some popcorn. I will send the remaining kernels home with my brother in law, because they can't stay here. I WILL eat them.
Anyways, for whatever reason, I don't really NEED to have popcorn today. Or m&ms. I do have a strong desire to go to the gym, and I will once I'm done writing this post.
I also need to be careful. I didn't eat many meals last week. It was just sooooo hot, and all I wanted was bruschetta, edamame, babybel cheese and fruit. I threw out two Jenny Craig meals in the middle of eating them because they tasted bad. I'm sure two months ago they would have tasted fine, but I think I'm getting to the "sick of the food" point. I'll keep it up, but it's about that time where they encourage you to bring in your own food. Sounds good to me!
Goals for this week:
* Leave the 200s.
* Go to the gym at least 4 times.
* Eat MEALS.
* Continue to drink oodles of water.
* If brother in law doesn't want popcorn, throw away devil kernels.
* Set alarm for 10:00 AM. Stop sleeping in till PM times. You are a grown up, fool.
1. Get a ticket for a baseball game in MD in late June during a heat wave.
2. Go to Camden Yards and sit in the seat, in the sun for the entire game.
3. Ta Da.
Yep, I'm pretty sure the only reason I lost any weight is because I went to the baseball game. I left .8 of Megan in some seat in the outfield. I believe if there was a roof over Camden Yards, that place would have stunk to high heavens. Sweat marks on shorts, shirts and hats were acceptable. No judging. Everyone was soaked.
I also went on a walk with Mac one night and went to the gym the other day. I ate tons of bruschetta and edamame. Lots of fresh fruit too. That's where the good part ends.
Because I had popcorn. FOUR TIMES. At the movies, at the baseball game, at home watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, and again last night because I was craving salt and butter like nobody's business. Oh, and at home, I followed the popcorn with some peanut butter M&Ms. I'm rolling my eyes at myself. I lost control, but I think I have it back. Let's blame it on PMS. I may do an entire post about the truths of pms. I mean, how lovely would that be.
Bless Mac's heart too, he tried to stop me. I approached him about 15 times yesterday, telling him I wanted popcorn. "No, Megan. Be strong. It's just in your head. Go to the gym and see if that will quench your craving." 10:00 rolled around, Real Housewives of NJ came on, and I needed some popcorn. I will send the remaining kernels home with my brother in law, because they can't stay here. I WILL eat them.
Anyways, for whatever reason, I don't really NEED to have popcorn today. Or m&ms. I do have a strong desire to go to the gym, and I will once I'm done writing this post.
I also need to be careful. I didn't eat many meals last week. It was just sooooo hot, and all I wanted was bruschetta, edamame, babybel cheese and fruit. I threw out two Jenny Craig meals in the middle of eating them because they tasted bad. I'm sure two months ago they would have tasted fine, but I think I'm getting to the "sick of the food" point. I'll keep it up, but it's about that time where they encourage you to bring in your own food. Sounds good to me!
Goals for this week:
* Leave the 200s.
* Go to the gym at least 4 times.
* Eat MEALS.
* Continue to drink oodles of water.
* If brother in law doesn't want popcorn, throw away devil kernels.
* Set alarm for 10:00 AM. Stop sleeping in till PM times. You are a grown up, fool.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Compliments
I lost 1 pound. As of right now, I have officially lost 15.5 pounds since starting Jenny Craig, and a little over 20 pounds from a year ago. I have a ways to go, but I'm doing a little jig. :)
I've read and reread this post about ten times. It seems really jumbled, and I'm chalking it up to having a summer brain. :) Sorry for run-on sentences, but I'm too lazy to grab my high school grammar text book and double check things. :)
I've thought about this for a while, and I think there are three compliments that I consider to be the best, at this point in my life.
#1: "You are so tan!"
Well, thank you!. It's what the Kellys do. We go to the beach, or the pool and we get tan. When someone tells me I'm tan, you'd think they just referred to me as Heidi Freaking Klum. It is a high compliment to me. Don't bother with the lectures of the dangers of sun rays, I'm Vitamin D's #1 fan. I stopped wearing oil years ago, (yes I wore oil up through college) and stopped when Mac asked me to, saying he wanted me to "be around for a while." :) I feel better about myself when I'm tan, dumb as that may sound. I love the sun, love spending time outside, and love being in the presence of some body of water. I do not use tanning beds or spray on tans; I don't believe in them. I get my tan the natural way, and I wear sunscreen, 15 or 30. It is a compliment for you to call me tan, and without thinking or blinking, I will thank you.
#2: "Wow, you take head meds?"
Um, omg. When I have chosen to tell people this in person, I have expected all sorts of reactions. I have only gotten positive ones. People being patient, understanding, resourceful, knowledgeable, etc. It has restored all faith in humanity, dramatic as that may sound. The highest compliment is when I've decided to share with someone that I take medicine for depression and anxiety, and they appear shocked. I don't believe it's rehearsed. I don't believe it's fake. I choose to believe people's reactions are usually true, because I'm a bad liar myself. It's the highest compliment when someone tells me they had no idea. You mean you didn't know I was crazy?!!?!?!??! Thank GOD, I've been trying to hide it for so long. You mean you know someone who is too?!?!?!?!?! Thank GOD, I thought I was the only one. You mean you had a Meltdown TOO at some point in your life? Thank GOD, because we can relate! No seriously, it's so comforting. It is, without a doubt, the BEST compliment I can ever receive. I didn't even know how high of a compliment it was until I considered it my biggest "issue."
#3: "You look thin!"
Actually, as amazing as this compliment is, I only believe it if I feel it. The others, well I can buy. They're easier for me to understand. Tan? Yes, well I've been to the beach. Normal? Yeah, I've been working on masking my "nuttiness" with humor for years now. Thin? Ummm... that depends on how I'm feeling today.
Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful compliment. I appreciate it no matter what, but it takes a special kind of day, kind of outfit for me to feel thin. There's no black or white answer to feeling thin either. I either do, or I don't.
If I've lost weight at my weekly weigh-in, I usually feel pretty good. If I've drank a bunch of water recently, I feel pretty good. If my pants fit well, I usually feel pretty good. If I've worked out, I feel pretty good.
Here's to feeling good, feeling better, and feeling the best that I can.
I've read and reread this post about ten times. It seems really jumbled, and I'm chalking it up to having a summer brain. :) Sorry for run-on sentences, but I'm too lazy to grab my high school grammar text book and double check things. :)
I've thought about this for a while, and I think there are three compliments that I consider to be the best, at this point in my life.
#1: "You are so tan!"
Well, thank you!. It's what the Kellys do. We go to the beach, or the pool and we get tan. When someone tells me I'm tan, you'd think they just referred to me as Heidi Freaking Klum. It is a high compliment to me. Don't bother with the lectures of the dangers of sun rays, I'm Vitamin D's #1 fan. I stopped wearing oil years ago, (yes I wore oil up through college) and stopped when Mac asked me to, saying he wanted me to "be around for a while." :) I feel better about myself when I'm tan, dumb as that may sound. I love the sun, love spending time outside, and love being in the presence of some body of water. I do not use tanning beds or spray on tans; I don't believe in them. I get my tan the natural way, and I wear sunscreen, 15 or 30. It is a compliment for you to call me tan, and without thinking or blinking, I will thank you.
#2: "Wow, you take head meds?"
Um, omg. When I have chosen to tell people this in person, I have expected all sorts of reactions. I have only gotten positive ones. People being patient, understanding, resourceful, knowledgeable, etc. It has restored all faith in humanity, dramatic as that may sound. The highest compliment is when I've decided to share with someone that I take medicine for depression and anxiety, and they appear shocked. I don't believe it's rehearsed. I don't believe it's fake. I choose to believe people's reactions are usually true, because I'm a bad liar myself. It's the highest compliment when someone tells me they had no idea. You mean you didn't know I was crazy?!!?!?!??! Thank GOD, I've been trying to hide it for so long. You mean you know someone who is too?!?!?!?!?! Thank GOD, I thought I was the only one. You mean you had a Meltdown TOO at some point in your life? Thank GOD, because we can relate! No seriously, it's so comforting. It is, without a doubt, the BEST compliment I can ever receive. I didn't even know how high of a compliment it was until I considered it my biggest "issue."
#3: "You look thin!"
Actually, as amazing as this compliment is, I only believe it if I feel it. The others, well I can buy. They're easier for me to understand. Tan? Yes, well I've been to the beach. Normal? Yeah, I've been working on masking my "nuttiness" with humor for years now. Thin? Ummm... that depends on how I'm feeling today.
Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful compliment. I appreciate it no matter what, but it takes a special kind of day, kind of outfit for me to feel thin. There's no black or white answer to feeling thin either. I either do, or I don't.
If I've lost weight at my weekly weigh-in, I usually feel pretty good. If I've drank a bunch of water recently, I feel pretty good. If my pants fit well, I usually feel pretty good. If I've worked out, I feel pretty good.
Here's to feeling good, feeling better, and feeling the best that I can.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Falling off the wagon
This post is supposed to be about falling off of the wagon. Because I did. I fell off. I had Mexican for dinner. I had Rita's soft serve ice cream. (Kid size, vanilla, rainbow jimmies, bc that's what they're called.) Nothing kid about the size that I got though. I had wings, beer, light beer, tortilla chips, and then we hosted supper club. I made homemade pie and ate some. I drank rum. I had bread with dipping oils. I ate some candy.
By some crazy miracle, I lost weight. 1.7 pounds to be exact. I went in for my weigh in today, prepared to have gained.
I have two theories for my losing weight. Would you like to hear them? I thought so.
Theory #1: This theory is tmi, so if you don't want to read something tmi, skip this paragraph. Last week, period visited. PMS attacked from all sides. Mac took several verbal beatings. I cried every other day, at all times of the day. And, true to form, I was bloated and really thirsty, drinking obscene amounts of water. I think one of the reasons I lost weight today is because said situation is gone. Water weight is gone. Or something like that.
Theory #2: I listed everything bad that I ate up top. But do you know what's interesting? What I did this past week was, believe it or not, still better than what I used to do. Are all of those foods good? Nope. Did I eat most of them in moderation? Yep. 5 wings instead of 10. 1 piece of pie with no ice cream, etc. So I guess that's it. It just seems like falling off the wagon now. Which is a good thing, I think. I shouldn't behave like that every week. It was a special week!
I live for special days and weeks. I love to celebrate anything and everything. SCHOOL IS OUT! If you know me in person, you know this was a difficult year for me, and I'm so relieved to be finished. I have almost done several cartwheels, seriously. And I've celebrated. All teachers who do their job should celebrate. Well, if you work hard, you should celebrate. It's summer! The best season! The time for living in a bathing suit!
Um, about the bathing suit. More on that later. I can tell you I will do a better job this week. The other good news? I'm staring to notice more. Other people are being polite and asking. (They read the blog.) I am getting a little flatter in the front, and I'm so happy about that. So, I'll keep going.
Lastly, I am 10 pounds away from my halfway goal with Jenny Craig. Um, that is crazy. I feel good, but to imagine another 40 pounds? I'll be smokin', for sure.
By some crazy miracle, I lost weight. 1.7 pounds to be exact. I went in for my weigh in today, prepared to have gained.
I have two theories for my losing weight. Would you like to hear them? I thought so.
Theory #1: This theory is tmi, so if you don't want to read something tmi, skip this paragraph. Last week, period visited. PMS attacked from all sides. Mac took several verbal beatings. I cried every other day, at all times of the day. And, true to form, I was bloated and really thirsty, drinking obscene amounts of water. I think one of the reasons I lost weight today is because said situation is gone. Water weight is gone. Or something like that.
Theory #2: I listed everything bad that I ate up top. But do you know what's interesting? What I did this past week was, believe it or not, still better than what I used to do. Are all of those foods good? Nope. Did I eat most of them in moderation? Yep. 5 wings instead of 10. 1 piece of pie with no ice cream, etc. So I guess that's it. It just seems like falling off the wagon now. Which is a good thing, I think. I shouldn't behave like that every week. It was a special week!
I live for special days and weeks. I love to celebrate anything and everything. SCHOOL IS OUT! If you know me in person, you know this was a difficult year for me, and I'm so relieved to be finished. I have almost done several cartwheels, seriously. And I've celebrated. All teachers who do their job should celebrate. Well, if you work hard, you should celebrate. It's summer! The best season! The time for living in a bathing suit!
Um, about the bathing suit. More on that later. I can tell you I will do a better job this week. The other good news? I'm staring to notice more. Other people are being polite and asking. (They read the blog.) I am getting a little flatter in the front, and I'm so happy about that. So, I'll keep going.
Lastly, I am 10 pounds away from my halfway goal with Jenny Craig. Um, that is crazy. I feel good, but to imagine another 40 pounds? I'll be smokin', for sure.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Trouble Spots
I guess I was lucky. When I gained all my weight initially, the weight went on evenly. Every part of me got bigger. Maybe that's one of the reasons I felt that it crept up on me. It wasn't just one area. Of course certain areas didn't get bigger until the peak of my weight gain, but still, they eventually came. Two things that people have said to me stick out in my mind.
#1: A friend asked me why, in pictures, I wasn't smiling as big. I didn't understand it. I looked at pictures to see what she was talking about, and my heart sank when I realized what she meant. My smile was the same size as it had always been, and I like my smile. However, because my face had puffed out some, my smile looked smaller. My cheeks, jaw and neck made me look like I wasn't as happy.
#2: One of my friends gained a bunch of weight during her first year of work. While I didn't realize it as much, because she has a pretty small frame, she gained about 20 - 25 lbs. I think. She was the one who complimented me for carrying my weight gain so well, and she was envious that I gained it evenly. She, on the other hand, only gained it in her stomach. No different anywhere else in her body. This type of weight gain could make her look disproportional. Or anyone for that matter.
Look, these are both dear friends who spoke honestly to me, and that is one of the many reasons I love them. I never thought about my smile changing, and I can't wait for my face to un-puff itself. I never thought about how I had gained weight evenly. I guess I was lucky. I am and look overweight, but I am quite proportioned.
Now, for the losing weight. I lost 1.1 pounds since last Wednesday. Not bad, I will take it. I'm just looking to get at least one pound down each week. Totally healthy and totally rewarding to see a new number on the scale. I actually glared at the scale today, before I got on it, hoping to see 204 somewhere on it. (In my mind, it's like I'm a character in a sitcom. The scale is the enemy, of course.) Next week, I'm hoping to see 203 or 202. Etc.
Anyways, to the trouble spots, the title. Everyone's got their trouble spots, so do I. Just like I gained weight evenly, I'm losing it evenly. But I'm not looking at many parts of my body. I'm looking at what appears to be some sort of a spare tire, and it has nothing to do with my car. This spare tire doesn't cost $150 - $200, but it has been bought and paid for. This spare tire doesn't even look even. It looks bigger on the left side. (How is that even possible?!) It's getting smaller, but so are other parts of my body. I'm bad though, I just keep staring at this one spot. I'm not thinking about my hips, or my legs, my rear, my chest or my face right now. I'm looking at what I think is my biggest trouble spot.
I don't think my stomach will go away with crunches. Exercise, sure. But it's going to take significant weight loss to see the desired result I'm after. Is my muffin top getting smaller? Yes. Do I still have a stomach? Yes. Am I a little too fixated on my stomach? Maybe. It's my trouble spot right now. It's the number one reason I dislike pictures. After that, just throw in my whole upper body. I feel like I look fleshy. I don't want to be fleshy. I don't want to be husky. I want to look more feminine, and I feel like losing weight is helping me accomplish that.
#1: A friend asked me why, in pictures, I wasn't smiling as big. I didn't understand it. I looked at pictures to see what she was talking about, and my heart sank when I realized what she meant. My smile was the same size as it had always been, and I like my smile. However, because my face had puffed out some, my smile looked smaller. My cheeks, jaw and neck made me look like I wasn't as happy.
#2: One of my friends gained a bunch of weight during her first year of work. While I didn't realize it as much, because she has a pretty small frame, she gained about 20 - 25 lbs. I think. She was the one who complimented me for carrying my weight gain so well, and she was envious that I gained it evenly. She, on the other hand, only gained it in her stomach. No different anywhere else in her body. This type of weight gain could make her look disproportional. Or anyone for that matter.
Look, these are both dear friends who spoke honestly to me, and that is one of the many reasons I love them. I never thought about my smile changing, and I can't wait for my face to un-puff itself. I never thought about how I had gained weight evenly. I guess I was lucky. I am and look overweight, but I am quite proportioned.
Now, for the losing weight. I lost 1.1 pounds since last Wednesday. Not bad, I will take it. I'm just looking to get at least one pound down each week. Totally healthy and totally rewarding to see a new number on the scale. I actually glared at the scale today, before I got on it, hoping to see 204 somewhere on it. (In my mind, it's like I'm a character in a sitcom. The scale is the enemy, of course.) Next week, I'm hoping to see 203 or 202. Etc.
Anyways, to the trouble spots, the title. Everyone's got their trouble spots, so do I. Just like I gained weight evenly, I'm losing it evenly. But I'm not looking at many parts of my body. I'm looking at what appears to be some sort of a spare tire, and it has nothing to do with my car. This spare tire doesn't cost $150 - $200, but it has been bought and paid for. This spare tire doesn't even look even. It looks bigger on the left side. (How is that even possible?!) It's getting smaller, but so are other parts of my body. I'm bad though, I just keep staring at this one spot. I'm not thinking about my hips, or my legs, my rear, my chest or my face right now. I'm looking at what I think is my biggest trouble spot.
I don't think my stomach will go away with crunches. Exercise, sure. But it's going to take significant weight loss to see the desired result I'm after. Is my muffin top getting smaller? Yes. Do I still have a stomach? Yes. Am I a little too fixated on my stomach? Maybe. It's my trouble spot right now. It's the number one reason I dislike pictures. After that, just throw in my whole upper body. I feel like I look fleshy. I don't want to be fleshy. I don't want to be husky. I want to look more feminine, and I feel like losing weight is helping me accomplish that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)