Deserve

I use the word "deserve" a lot. I deserve this chocolate. I deserve these chips and queso. I deserve this drink. I deserve this nap. You get the idea. It doesn't just apply to lazy things either. I will talk myself into deserving a new shirt, dress, home decor, pedicure, manicure, etc. It's wasteful and reckless and sad. You know what I need to tell myself? My parents deserve the money I owe them. My friends deserve their thank you notes on time. My husband deserves a neat home. (Not trying to be a martyr here.) These things will make me happy in the long run. I deserve full gratification, not instant gratification. I deserve the feeling of exhaustion after a workout. I deserve to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I deserve to feel and be healthy. I deserve to live a long, happy and healthy life. Everyone deserves that.

Instant gratification is huge with me, sadly. I am so used to and spoiled by digital cameras that while our wedding photographer, Mike, was taking really pics of us, I asked him, "So are there some good ones in there?" He looked at me like I had three heads. I said, "No, I mean, are there some framers?" True story. I didn't look at a single photo he took that day, and it certainly wasn't a dig at him, because his work is really freaking good, but I was no longer trained to WAIT.

In weight loss, I have to wait. There is some instant gratification in the fact that I lost 1.4 pounds. But in the long run, hopefully the happiness I feel will outdo any spontaneous gifts I've given myself. Hopefully I will appreciate the work I've accomplished and not ruin it with quick, empty rewards.

I can still use this word, deserve. I can also use words like earn or phrases like "I owe it to myself". I just need to tweak the part that happens after it. The rewards. So, I will try to focus on that this week, and after this week.

On the subject of pictures, I think I can clean up well, and carefully choose what pictures I like to post on the blog. ;) I dare say to the point of pretty. I deserve that. Every single person deserves to feel pretty, handsome, etc. And to feel that way, I need to keep going. I owe it to myself to keep going.