Student: Mrs. Campbell, is your stomach ok?
Me: Yes, why? (Dreading the inevitable.)
Student: Well, it just looks kind of fat.
Me:
I was incredibly nervous for my weigh in today. My food intake has been great. My adult beverage intake... I mean, I was at the beach over the weekend. It seems to be a trend to have a cold one or a glass of wine at the end of a long, grueling day of tanning oneself. Again though, food intake has been great.
I am down 2.6 pounds. YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! Now, on to the main subject, when food fights back.
In college, when I was studying for finals, I parked myself in the hallway of the third floor of West dorm, armed with books, notes, a roll of cookie dough and a spoon. I hate half the roll. Sometimes friends would stop by for a bite. I didn't get sick, but I sure didn't feel well.
During my second year of teaching, I went to visit my parents in SC. We went out to dinner and I ate 40 crab legs. I didn't get sick, but the pain I was in at 3 AM that night/morning was torturous.
Sometime during high school, I realized that I was somewhat allergic to barbeque chips. I don't get sick, but I get ulcers/canker sores on my tongue. It swells and I have a lisp for a few days.
Sometimes spaghetti and hot brownies give me heartburn. So do Amaretto Sours..
When I was working at Springdale Farm Market during high school and then college summers, I saw one of my bosses, Mary Ann eat a tomato with salt on it. What a perfect combination! The food there is amazing. Even though the bakery is incredibly good, there is nothing like the fresh produce that walks in that back door. The tomatoes are warm from being out in the sun. Same with the beans, watermelon, strawberries and tons of other good things. So the bushels of grape tomatoes would come in, and sometimes we would eat little bites. I would bite the tip off of a grape tomato, pour a little salt into it, and finish the other half. It only took one day of doing that to realize how dumb it was. My tongue swelled up from multiple ulcers. They lined the sides of my tongue, making it painful to talk. (That, however, is probably a good thing!) My tongue gets slits across the top in the most painful way possible.
I also get ulcers from clementines. The acid is just too much for me in certain doses. I get them from stress as well. It's awful. Instead of pimples showing up on my face (which of course they do sometimes), I get these annoying little bumps on my tongue that alter my speech and throw me off for a couple days.
So, moral of the story? I still eat all of those things I mentioned above. (Well, not the cookie dough right now. But I did have about 10 crab legs over Memorial Day weekend. And no bbq chips either.) I just have to eat them in smaller amounts. Sometimes though, I forget to have smaller amounts, or I just don't care because the food is so good. Do you do that? Suffer through pain because food is worth it? Of course you probably don't. What maniac would bring this on themselves?
A few weeks ago, I was bringing clementines to school for a snack, and naturally, I patted myself on the back for eating something healthy. Bravo, Megan. Of course I suffered the consequences.
I ate several grape tomatoes over Memorial Day weekend I have a few ulcers, but you know what? I don't care, not today. I didn't even want salt with them. During the summer months, I also love bruschetta. I like to make it using only tomatoes, garlic and basil. So if you know me and we hang out in person, changes are you'll hear or see me having trouble speaking. I mean, I guess the ulcers on my tongue are better than the pains from too much cookie dough or heartburn from brownies, right?
"Do you do that? Suffer through pain because food is worth it? Of course you probably don't. What maniac would bring this on themselves?" Ummm, I would. After eating what felt like a 5 lb. chocolate bar last night in my stressed filled state, I was awake for half the night. Food over sleep? Bad idea. On the bright side, nice work at the weigh in!
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