Fat Pants

Fat Pants: any pair of pants, where the wearer can feel comfortable and without worry about how they looked, only that they are the most comfortable pants ever. Fat pants may be: old, a size too large, or stretched from excessive use.

Before the movie started, all the girls prepared for girls' night by making popcorn, getting out ice cream, and putting on fat pants.


That is urban dictionary's definition. I happen to agree with it. I believe I started using the term "fat pants" after Ashley introduced it to me while I was in college. It encompasses all types of pants... yoga, pajama, sweats, swishy (because those were still in at some point). I believe anything with a button, snap or zipper does not qualify. Fat pants are strictly elastic. I should know. I have a ton.

I used to change into fat pants the second I got home from work. Part for celebration in the fact that my day was done. Part for the fact that my regular pants weren't so comfortable on me. I wanted out of whatever was creating a muffin top. My parents were visiting one time, and I came home from school, went into the bedroom, changed into fat pants, an oversized fleece and my uggs. My dad had the audacity to question my fashion sense. HEllOOO. I have worked my tush off all day, and now I'd like to slosh around in oversized clothes that are also warm (hence the uggs). That oufit has many to match, and it's my favorite thing to wear in the winter. Sometimes, if I'm really cold, I'll add a fancy scarf and a hat as well. Basically, I look fantastic.

There are only two things that bother me when it comes to fat pants.

#1: I don't own any pants with writing on the back. As if I need more attention. A paw print for a school mascot? I can deal with that. The words hot, pink, sexy, smokin, etc. shouldn't be printed in block letters on someone's badunkadunk.

#2: I have never tried to pass off fat pants as dress pants. This bothers me to no end. I must admit that I HAVE worn and DO wear t-shirt skirts, jersey material dresses and linen capris/skirts with drawstrings to work. (Judge if you need to.) I really can't stand when people wear fat pants at work. ANY work. It just looks so bad. The only people in a school building who should wear fat pants are the PE teachers and the school nurse.

Listen, I get that fat pants are comfortable. I get that teachers need to move around. (I usually talk about teachers, because that's what I am, and so unfortunately, the whole lot takes the fall. ;) ) But the thing is, if you're 100 pounds, 200 pounds, 300 pounds or 400 pounds, there is a store that makes dress clothes for you. You can look appropriate while at work regardless of your size.

Also, I should say that I don't always look perfect for work. I wear little, if any make up because I don't usually like to have make up on my face. I wear my hair back because of the possibilty of lice. I wear my glasses, thinking I can block the baggies under my eyes with the frames. But you know what? From the neck down, I usually look pretty darn professional. Someone could dislike my outfit, but I button the button and zip the zipper and wear spanx if need be and deal with dress clothes. That's what people who work do. There are SO many people I work with who dress professionally, of all sizes. If they can do it, why can't others? Suck it up. It's work. Look professional. Chances are, you'll be more respected.

Ultimately, with just about 5 and a half pounds lost, my pants are fitting better. I don't even understand how that's possible, but I'll take it. So, as I type this, at 9:00 at night, after eating some dinner, I'm still in my work clothes. And that kind of makes me happy. I don't need to change into fat pants today.