HOWEVER. Today I was horrified. Absolutely embarassed, mad, sad, defeated, confused and I was overwhelmed with feelings of shock, horror, guilt and small defeat.
I found 1 tiny stretch mark on my stomach. Ew. Oh God. It's so gross. I'm really sorry I'm typing this actually and sorrier you're reading it and even sorrierest that it's there. You see, I've had stretch marks for years. I like to think I didn't really have control over them. I have them on my thighs and hips, and they've been there I think since like high school or something. I'm pretty sure they're from part of my growth spurt in high school, where within one year I went from wearing a size 4 to an 8. Call it field hockey, becoming more female, swimming, whatever you want. They're there, and they've been there for a long freaking time. I've never ever for one second been embarassed by them. Have you any idea how many girls have stretch marks on their legs? As far as I'm concerned, like a bajillion. I don't consider the ones on my legs to be my fault or bad.
The stomach one = my fault. I put it there. By accident, but there is nothing to blame it on by myself. Until today, I have felt very fortunate with my stretch marks. I do not have them on my arms, like lots of guys do, I don't have them on my back even though I grew quickly in middle school, I don't have them on my chest even though my boobs exploded when I gained weight, and when I say explode, I mean it. I went from a 36B to a 38DD. Pregnant women often get them on their bellies. I am not preggers though. Maybe some people are not embarassed by such lines on their stomachs, but I am NOT ONE OF THEM. It's like a really bad tatoo. One I will scour the aisles at Target for cocoa butter or something to rub on and make it go away. One I cringe when I think about. One I will up my work out routines for. I worked out more today, upped the ante if you will, and it felt amazing. I only upped it a little bit, but it was oustanding.
I have no problems with other people who have stretch marks in certain places that I mentioned. Literally, I might notice, but I won't think about it twice. I have a problem with this one that appeared on me. I don't think it was there a week ago, so wtf. It doesn't matter, it probably was, but hopefully it will provide motivation for me.
So ya, there are some other things I could talk about, but this one takes the cake. This stupid @#$#$^#$%^&$%^U&%^!#$% stretch mark.
So ya, there are some other things I could talk about, but this one takes the cake. This stupid @#$#$^#$%^&$%^U&%^!#$% stretch mark.
Sunday 2/5
* 33 mins on elliptical, 375 calories
* half a salad with light italian dressing
* 1 cup chx salad
* 2 diet cokes
* 3 corona light beers
* raw veggies with dip
* few pieces of cheese and crackers
* few pieces of stromboli (amazing)
* 1 piece pepperoni pizza
* football sugar cookies (amazing)
* 1 small piece apple cake (amazing)
* fortunately the superbowl only happens once per year
Monday 2/6
* 1 serving cornflakes
* 2 diet cokes
* 1 cup chx salad
* about 20 trisket thins (16 in one serving)
* 1 100 calorie pack of fudge striped cookies
* 33 mins on elliptical (did not love the workout, even though I still burned about 360 calories)
* all natural potato kettle chips (20 chips = 140 calories) (utz brand)
* golden delic. apple with few pieces of cheese
* m&ms for the love of God we had them for the superbowl
* m&ms for the love of God we had them for the superbowl
* carrots and dip
* 1 1/2 pieces of pizza
Tuesday 2/7
* 1 serving frosted flakes
* 1 1/2 graham crackers
* 3 diet cokes
* 2 pieces pizza
* golden delicious apple
* sharp chedder and colby cheese
* all natural potato chips (1 serving)
* chicken salad
* 1 package fudge stripe cookies
* 1 cup cut up strawberries with small amt. of sugar sprinkled
Wednesday 2/8
* yogurt with 1 cup low fat granola
* 2 diet cokes
* chicken salad
* 1 package cheeze its
* 33 mins on elliptical/359 calories
* edamame
* chicken and fried rice with homemade white sauce (great success on making the white sauce, though I should not make it often!)
* 2 pieces of sushi
* few m&ms and 2 hugs
Thursday 2/9
* yogurt and granola (low fat)
* 1 cup chicken salad
* 1 package fudge stripe cookies
* 1 small piece of cake @ school
* 2 diet cokes
* peanut m&ms
* a bunch of hugs
* I did not eat dinner, I did not eat well past noon today. I also had a major case of apathy. Tomorrow, I do better, for one day does not a fat person make. This was my first major day of "I don't care that I'm eating chocolate, and it's a good thing I'm not making home made popcorn or mac and cheese to go with it." I'm also trying to convince myself that EVERYONE has days like this, and that I am normal.
Friday 2/10
* yogurt with granola
* chicken fajitas with white rice and no tortillas
* 1 100 calorie cookie pack
* 2 diet cokes
* chocolate hearts
* here comes supper club food
* 3 strawberries with cheesecake filling (yeah you read that right)
* 2 grape tomato/mozz cheese/basil things (I really don't know their name)
* MY FIRST PANINI ~ turkey, amer cheese, mayo and bacon; thinking, how have I missed out on this amazing sandwich before?!
* 4 light coronas
* ice cream sundae
Saturday 2/11
* yogurt with granola
* trisket thins
* 2 diet cokes
* 2 hugs
* 33 mins on elliptical/361 calories burned
* 20 mins fast-walking on treadmill
* carrots with dip
* grilled tuna with lemon juice, pepper and salt
* wheat pasta with small amt. butter, salt, pepper and parm cheese
* 2 dark kisses
* 2 small chocolate hearts
I should note that today I feel and think I look thinner, although the scale doesn't really reflect it. I'm hoping by Tuesday that the scale will catch up with my feelings. That would be an awesome Valentine's Day.
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