Insulation

I'm pretty sure the title of this blog speaks for itself. I'd like to think my extra layers of skin keep me warmer than some skinny chick. That's what I tell myself, joking. 20% truth to jokes though, that's the word on the street. Really though, I don't think that's how it works. I'm not some animal in the arctic layered with fur. :)

When it's cold out, I have a hard time eating well. I want warm, comfort foods. I've been racking my brain for warm snack foods, warm, healthy snacks, and the only thing I could think of was edamame. I love fruit, but it's cold! I love raw veggies, but they're cold! And I wouldn't normally heat up veggies for a snack, bc heating up veggies implies a side dish for dinner, if that makes sense. Recommendations are of course welcome.

Plus, I eat out of boredom. Right now, as I'm typing this, I can't eat bc my hands are occupied. I think that sounds pretty sad. I'm also an emotional eater, so if things become somewhat challenging, I eat.

Anyways, back to the insulation. I am also uncomfortable because some of my clothes are starting to not be "loose." I was enjoying losing weight, and once things fit or got snug again, I became uncomfortable. So now I'm cold, overweight and uncomfortable. Fatastic. Because I'm uncomfortable and cold, I come home and want pjs, hoodies and uggs.

I went for a couple walks this week and felt very good about them. Bundled up and dealt with it. Next week, my plan is to double the walks, eat less comfort food and keep myself occupied. :)

Sorry this post was kind of all over the place. That's kind of how I've been lately. :)

Bridesmaids

I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm a grown up. I'm not supposed to compare myself to other women. And, usually, I don't. Sure, I'm envious of other's figures and strengths, but I don't usually growl/groan at other people with fabulous figures.

Until recently.

Ashley, my beautiful younger sister and best friend got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years, Andrew who is an awesome person. They are a hilarious couple, and I'm so excited for them. He will make a very handsome groom, and she looks exotic in sweats, so looking good on their wedding day should be a piece of cake for her.

And of course the whole process/day is about them. I am well aware it's not about me. I don't want it to be, it's not supposed to be, and I won't make it about me.

However, Ashley has several close friends that will be bridesmaids. Oh, they're just awesome and lovely and perfect. They'll make you cry from laughing so hard, and it's like a constant SNL skit hanging out with even one of them, let alone all 6 of them. There is just one tiny problem with them.

They all look like models. And one of them actually IS a model.

These girls are STUNNING. Even without makeup. They're the types of people who can walk in heels all night long and make it look easy. (I take heels off after an hour of looking like an ass.) They rock simple or elaborate jewelry, while I rock my wedding rings and my two cartilage earrings that don't come out easily. Sometimes I wear earrings and sometimes I wear my "K" necklace from Mac. When I go out, I wear more. I try. These girls can all wear a bikini, will all get checked out on the beach and have beautiful personalities to go with their beautiful faces and figures.

Basically, I'm really lucky that I get to have fun with such a great group of girls. They are drama-free (I think :) ), and they'd do anything for you. Ashley is in great hands.

I am also lucky that I have a year and a couple months until the wedding. You see, bridesmaids usually wear dresses. Many times, matching dresses. That's cool; I did the same thing to my bridesmaids. But you see, if you were to put all of Ashley's girls in the gowns today, all of us would look good. However, I'd block them. Maybe not the model, as she is clearly taller than me. But all of the others, you wouldn't be able to see them if I stood in front of them.

I then imagined the 7 of us as nesting dolls, the ones that fit inside each other. I'm the big one. I can house all the others. By the wedding, I hope to not be the queen nesting doll. No need to house other women. (So weird.)

So, occasionally when I'm having a weak moment, I'm thinking I'll read this post, and look at their pics on fb, or text them, encouraging them to um, bulk up. (They're not figure-less either, trust me.) Ok, maybe I'm not a total grown up. :) I'm being a little silly.

And just in case your doubting me, check this out.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, who's the girl who looks like a model?
Megan: That's one of Ashley's best friends, and she is a model. She did our make up.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, who's the girl in the electric blue pumps?
Megan: That's one of Ashley's best friends from college.
Guest: She looks like walking sex.

Scene: Mac's and my wedding
Guest: Megan, are all those kids Ashley's friends?
Megan: The beautiful ones who look like they're having the time of their lives and teaching everyone a lesson on the dance floor? Yeah, that's them. She picks well.

Scene: New Ale House in Columbia this past weekend
Megan: Karen, you don't understand these bridesmaids I'm going to be standing next to. I need to get my act together.
Karen: Oh yes I do. I remember them. ALL of them. Yikes. Good luck with that. Call me if you need support.

(Thanks Karen, for understanding.)

So, check back on the blog and on my facebook for wedding festivities, so that you can feast your eyes on the eye candy that is my sister's wedding party.

And lastly, I lost three pounds. Mucho thanks to Gina for introducing me to an awesome salad... mixed greens, goat cheese, walnuts and vinaigrette dressing. I've been eating it almost everyday for lunch, and I so look forward to it. Not to mention, I feel good after eating it.

Sorry.

I apologize ALL the time. I'm often yelled at for doing it. Such a conversation goes like this:

Me: Sorry for blah blah blah....
You: It's ok.
Me: Ok, just wanted to make sure you knew I was sorry.
You: Got it. Stop saying sorry.
Me: Ok. Sorry.
You: Death glare.
Me: For saying sorry. I'm sorry for saying sorry.
You: Haven't blinked.
Me: Ok, now I'm finished.

Ask about half of my friends and they'll tell you about this.

So this post is one HUGE apology. If you don't want to hear/read me say sorry, kindly close this window. In advance, I'm sorry for all the sorrys I'm about to say.

I'm sorry I stopped writing for 2 1/2 months.
I'm sorry I kind of gave up.
I'm sorry that I worked so hard only to make it bad.
I'm sorry if you felt motivated by me, and not having this to read caused you to eat McNuggets. I NEVER want you to eat McNuggets.
I'm sorry if you suggested things to me and felt like I didn't take them. I did.
I'm sorry if you supported me and felt like I didn't appreciate it. I do.
I'm sorry if you felt invested in this blog and then felt let down. I did/do too.
I'm sorry if you've ever cringed while looking at me or seeing my weight on the side. I have too.
I'm sorry if you listened to me and feel like I ignored you. I didn't.
I'm sorry if I yelled at you.
I'm sorry if I was mean to you because I was truly upset with myself.
I'm sorry if you had to deal with my negativity.

Ok, now please understand this. I am well aware of how crazy the above apologies are. WELL AWARE. However, I also mean them.

I also am sorry to myself. Not feeling sorry for myself; that's different. I'm sorry I gave up a little bit and way over-indulged during the holidays. True to form, 20 to 20 hindsight. Shouldn't have eaten this, shouldn't have drank that, should have run there, etc.

I'm back to trying. I've got several reasons, and I'll continue to post about them. I was really hoping that this over-weight thing would just be a phase in my life. Well, maybe it will have been, but I think maintaining healthy eating and work out options will be a life-long job. I think a part of me hoped that wasn't and wouldn't be true. But it is. How can it not be? Anything worth having is worth working for. So, I'll work for this. I'll work for a better weight, a happier mentality and stronger muscles. I'll work for a better life. It's worth it.

p.s. Sorry if you're annoyed that I posted this. :) Just kidding! (Kind of.)