Buoy.

I joined a gym, got a new bathing suit (because tankinis don't really cut it in the lap lane), a cap, goggles, a lock for the locker and went swimming. It was so much fun. I didn't look at a clock (because I can't see w/o contacts and couldn't even find a kickboard three feet away from me, causing the life guard to probably question my ability to function as a human), and I didn't count laps. I've never counted laps unless I had to. It's just swimming. I was surprised at a few things though.

First, speedos could be a substitute for spanx in an emergency. Aside from the HOT uniboob they create, those things SUCK YOU IN. Second, I looked so ridiculous it's stupid. The cap and mirrored goggles just aren't my color. Third, I go a lot slower than I used to. I felt like an 85 year old reminiscing about some high school football victory in my head. Fourth, the flip turns were ROUGH. And lastly, I felt like a buoy.



No seriously, I felt like my rear end kept bobbing out of the water. It was disturbing. Good news though people: I won't sink.

I have always been really comfortable in water. It's just so relaxing, and there's no sudden movements that would cause me to trip. The biggest problem I had today was remembering how painful it is when you kick the lane line. Not cool man. I suppose I feel about swimming the way many people feel about running. You're doing a marathon? That's AMAZING. I will buy you a beer and congratulate you, because I run for nothing. I could however do a treadathon. Just feed me grapes at the side of the pool while I kick my legs in a circular motion. (Thanks, Mom!)

I think I swam for about 45 minutes. As previously mentioned, I didn't count the laps. I don't know the calories either. All I know is that it felt good, I feel loosened up, and I am wearing the best perfume there is: chlorine. Ahhhh.

Juice Cleanse Day 3

TOMORROW I GET TO CHEW FOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

I lost almost down 5 lbs. as of this morning. I feel like I can do it. Just one more damn juice and then go to sleep and it'll be Christmas. I may set my alarm at 5 or something just so I can have some cereal. Oh, and believe me, I am well aware of how crazy this all seems. I have been dreaming about food... cucumbers and Christmas cookie bars. Apparently there's nothing in between really good food and really bad food in my dreams.

While I feel great and don't really have a headache right now, I am a little nervous about what will happen once I start eating again. Will I get sick? Will I pack on these 5 lbs. in one day? Will I be as hungry? I have no idea... some people say you're supposed to ease yourself back into food. Um, I definitely want a nice big salad tomorrow with lots of crunch, but I'm not eating vegetables all day. There will be chicken. By God, there will be chicken. And croutons. Sweet Jesus, the croutons.

Barring I get through tonight, I will be very glad I did this. I will be especially proud, considering I did this cleanse during an episode of Pass-Megan-Sweets. Challenge accepted, and challenge (almost) won. Supposedly I can control what I eat, and that is an outstanding lesson. I didn't think I had the will power. Now, let's be clear... it's not like I ran a race or anything. But cleansing for 3 days counts for something in my book, and that's what matters.

Juice Cleanse Day 2

I am sooooooooo freaking hungry. And thirsty. And I have a headache.

I am definitely glad I'm doing this, and I only have 1 more day, thank God. Fortunately, Mac and Ashley are feeling similar to me. It definitely makes it easier to do a cleanse with other people.

I lost 3 pounds as of this morning, but I'm pretty sure that's because I have so much I can lose.

My stomach feels good and basically, not full. It's crazy how it's not really growling, but I'm still hungry. In fact, I've been dreaming about food. Seriously, this is crazy. Why would someone do this to themselves?

I don't know. I don't know all the benefits of cleansing or juicing, but I do appreciate the challenge. I am already looking forward to just being able to say, "I did it." Sure, it's only three days. Sure, people probably do this kind of stuff all the time, but for me to actually commit to something and hopefully complete it is a big thing.

I also made it through Target and the grocery store today without buying anything except juicing items. Success.

Juice Cleanse Day 1

Currently I'm on a 3 day juice cleanse. Seriously. Let me back up though.

For sooooooooooo many months, soooo many people have been talking about juicing... and I scoffed at all of it. Like, "Ew, that looks gross, look at the consistency, that contraption costs how much?!" etc. And even when Jenna made Ashley and me a delicious smoothie, I was not so thrilled with the texture of the drink.

So fast-forward to last week: post-vacation, start of summer break, and Ashley proposed the idea of a cleanse to me. I said sure, I'd be interested in trying one. She said it would be $150 to order the stuff online, and I flipped. There was no way I was going to pay for some stuff online. I wanted to get my stuff at the grocery store, because if I like them, I wanted to be able to easily access all the ingredients again.

So we agree to find recipes online, and I bit the bullet and got the bullet. Biggest LOL ever. I am hysterical, obviously.



Currently I'm staring at my second juice of the day (3 per day, with all the water you want). It is a color combo of green, blue and grey. It has spinach, banana, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, pear and flax and chia seeds in it. I truly can't believe I'm drinking this stuff. It's thick, but it's supposed to cleanse my insides, give me more energy, raise my metabolism and possibly help shed pounds.

I am happy to report that I am not hungry. I also don't have a headache from the lack of caffeine (which I was expecting, since I drink diet coke like it's going out of style). I don't feel sleepy, I worked out this am and went to the pool with birthday girl Bridget, and I've learned that if I use a straw, it works better. I am also not hangry, which is really beneficial for everyone around me.

I would however be more than happy to eat any of the following, though not necessarily in this order: cheezits, chocolate, a burger, a hot dog, cheese, salad, a hoagie, pasta salad, and really anything and everything crunchy.

I will continue to post for the next two days, and if this is a positive experience, hopefully I'll come back, read this, and do it again. Fortunately, I'm doing this cleanse with Ashley and Mac, so I think that makes it easier.

Also, I have to go to the grocery store to get more fruit, and I'm very nervous. I am not even going to go through any aisles, and I will use my tunnel vision.

They said WHAT?!

Hello. Welcome to n chapter of "They said What?!"

I am your host, Megan. I used to write a blog, and I still write a blog, although I often take breaks, and well, that's just how it works. Inconsistency, if you will.

I've been thinking for a while about writing posts about the crazy things people say. Like, kids say the darndest things, but with adult. Because adults say the damndest things.

A couple months ago, I was in Brigantine with a bunch of beautiful people for my sister's bachelorette weekend. It was fantastic, and on Saturday, we all got in cars and drove to a winery about a half an hour away. (I was DD, and therefore only had a couple tastings.) Anyways, I was super excited for this trip, as Ashley was excited, and it was a beautiful day in the midst of a crappy winter.

On to Smithville. A place that is so cute, almost all independent shops, outside, and on a lake. Hello, there's a B&B here. Stop traffic. I have to go back.

Margaret, one of the awesome bridesmaids and most awesomest people on the planet, asked all of the people to bring a pair of under-britches for the bride to be, and she'd have to guess who they were from. (I brought some that had "Bayside High" written on them, i.e. a nod to our childhood.) Anyways, Marg and I decided to check out this fancy shmancy lingerie shop at the front of the center. We excused ourselves from the rest of the sausage-cheese eating crew and walked over to The Pink Corset, which looked really cute. We go in, get greeted immediately by two middle-aged European women (just giving a description here, people) and say we're there to pick up some bridal items, particularly underwear. Here goes the rest of the convo...

Hund #1: Would you like a garter?

Marg: No, we're just here for underwear.

Hund #2: Well we have some excellent garters.

Me: No thanks, we're good. In fact, we already have one for her with a baseball logo on it. It's great.

Both hunds show us several garters.

Me & Marg: No, we're good thanks.

..... We go to check out with a thong rose that says bride on it...

..... Both of the hunds are there with a younger salesperson.......

..... Discussion about why we're there, bachelorette party, etc.....

Hund #1: We have excellent bra fitting techniques.

Hund #2: You should bring the whole bridal party in here for a fitting.

Margaret: Oh, thanks. You know what my problem is? (She goes on to describe her problem with bras, and the hunds listen, all while telling her she's amazing for sharing her size, which she is.)

Hund #1: << looking at me>> Do you know what your problem is?

Me:

Hund #1: You breasts are too low.

Me:

Hund #1: They are sitting on your stomach.

Me:

Hund #1: If you had the right bra, you'd look fifteen pounds lighter.

Me:

We left, I've commented on their facebook page, and I will never go in that store again.

Thank you for reading this issue of "They said WHAT?!"

Wide Calf Boots

Of all of the things I may feel insecure about, my calves are not one, or two of them. In fact, I only think about them a couple times:

1. When I do calf exercises.
2. When I try on boots.

Now, ever since I was in high school, I've had trouble wearing pretty little shoes. My feet are a little wide, and I used to joke that I was average everywhere except for my fat feet. (How's that for irony?) Anyways, I remember thinking of myself like the stepsisters in Cinderella. I'd try on your basic strappy sandle and my foot would bust out all over the place. But I didn't have to order wide shoes... my feet aren't THAT big. I'd just find different sandals to fit, and I wasn't really upset about it. Then came the boots era. The time where fitting pants into boots became cool, and well, I wanted to play along!

I never check out anyone else's calves. Seriously. If I see you in boots, I'll probably admire them, and that's because they're just pretty. :) I would go and try different boots on, and they usually wouldn't zip up all the way. They'd get stuck in the middle of my calf. Hmph. What gives? It's my calf. It's not like I can put spanx on it. So I started hearing sales people and friends and acquaintances mention "wide calf boots." AHA. So apparently other people have this problem. This "ouch-the-zipper-hurts" problem.

I found some. I have a sinking suspicion that when I wear pants tucked into boots that I don't look like the other people I saw... but I guess I'll avoid mirrors so as not to hurt my feelings. Either way, I love them. They're warmer than flats in the winter, they fit, and let's pretend that brown matches everything.

A few weeks ago, I was wearing them at school. At the end of my TENTH class of the day, when I say good bye to the kiddos, I don't have much left. I can't usually offer the same smile I did earlier that day. I'm wiped. I turned around to leave and say good bye to the teacher, knowing I could go back to my quiet desk. Well, there was another woman in this Kindergarten class with the teacher. A sub? A para? I didn't recognize her. She thanked me for teaching music to the kids, and then asked me where I got my "wide calf boots."

HOLD THE PHONE.

Are you really that good at recognizing calf sizes that you knew mine are wide? Did you see some of my top half and just assume I had big calves? Did I forget to take the W sticker off of the back of them?

Oh, no. Apparently you just forgot your manners.

I just politely replied to her, kept a smile on (though I'm sure my eyes were kind of wide (haha! Get it? Wide!)) and then left.

Do me a favor, will you? Don't ask me where I got jeans to fit over my big ass. Just ask me where I got my jeans. Don't ask me where I found a sports bra strong enough to hold my lumps of nonsense down if we work out together. Just ask me what store I think sells the best sports bras. And don't you dare ask me where I got my wide calf boots. Just ask me where I got my boots. I'll probably offer up all the other information. But just let me offer it up first.

10 years

This is the mushiest, sappiest, most PDA-ish post you will ever see. If you read on and feel like vomiting, please blame yourself because you have been warned.

I would like to publicly thank my husband, Mac, for everything he does for me.

I love him because 12 1/2 years ago, at a band camp ice cream social, he agreed to carry a couch up three flights of stairs to my dorm room.

I love him because he didn't let me fail Physics of Sound when I was his partner.

I love him because he can sing a low C, two octaves below middle C. It's awesome.

I love him because 10 years ago tomorrow, he kissed me.

I love him because he has stayed with me for ten years: a hard first year of teaching, a mental breakdown in the midst of three years/long distance, two years living in a room in his dad's house and 3 1/2 years of marriage.

I love him because the only times he yells at me, it's playful, not mean, and he uses my four names: Megan Melissa Kelly Campbell!

I love him because when I feel stupid, he makes me feel safe and smart.

I love him because he still likes me even though I haven't been a size 8 for YEARS.

I love him because he lets me be quiet at night, bc I don't want to talk. I've talked all day. I actually think he enjoys the quiet. ;)

I love him because he encouraged me to sign up for weight watchers when he wanted to, so we signed up together. I love that he gets how difficult it can be when your body changes, and your mind hasn't adjusted yet. (I.e. I thought veggies are healthy for you? How does the ranch make it bad?)

Mac, thank you for supporting me through my ups and downs, both physically and mentally. Thank you for encouraging me. I love you.